Dear you, can you still remember the first time we talked? How I mocked you and how you control yourself not to get mad and still manage to smile, how you would say things to prove me wrong, how we argue over things and still laugh and smile. I never thought that we would be as close as we were. I still remember the way you told me about one of your painful experience and then there's me trying to comfort you telling you that everything will get better as time goes by, that you will be alright and that I will be with you no matter what.
It still amazes me how we grew something I never thought that we could have: friendship. After all the silliest and senseless arguments, we still got together and became friends. But it didn't end there. You became a part of my life, I was attached to you. I was too attached that the thought of letting you go hurts me. And then I knew that I am feeling something deep more than just friendship. I was too happy spending my time talking to you, how you told me about some of your life experiences, the way you would tell me how awesome a movie you just watched is, how you would randomly send sweet messages and randomly call me sweet pet names, how you told me that I was important.
But everything changed when I was too blinded by jealousy; when I went afraid that you might find someone better. Its stupid how I asked you to stay and I was the one who left. I had you once and I let you slip away. And, I am very sorry not because I've hurt you, but because I have fallen for you when I'm not supposed to. Now, I have to deal with the pain leaving you had caused me. I have to deal with the fact that I am not the one who puts the smile on your lips; I'm not the one, who is making you laugh, the fact that you might not care for me anymore. And please know that every time I'm dying to talk to you, and I miss you not because you're gone but because the things between us are not the way they used to be. If only tears could heal this pain that I'm experiencing right now, I would cry my eyes out just to be better. But I know that it won't so I'll just let myself feel this pain until it hurts no more.
Every time I think of what we had, I always want to go back to the time where everything seems to be perfect. When we didn't care about what could happen. When we didn't think about what people would say because what matters is the connection between us, that connection we once had. That we had experienced something beautiful, something I never thought I would experience. What matters is that we were once happy. But I guess nothing really lasts forever, not even the pain I feel right now; that not everything is meant to be, and baby, so are we.
