*NIALL'S POV*
We were still looking for her, but still couldn't find her.. "Where can she be.." I asked Cyanne. She was looking around. "Maybe we should check by the water?" She said. We decided to walk to the canal. We all split up. I was walking alone, i was afraid and crying. What if she.. No i need to stop thinking about that. I just wanted to be alone till we found her. "I FOUND HER JACKET!" I heard Liam scream. We all rushed to Liam. It was her jacket.. It was her favorite, a blue adidas with white stripes. She looked always so good in it, but where is she? "She's not here.." I said disappointed. "She can't be far right, but why would she leave her jacket here?" Liam said confused with the jacket in his hand. I took the jacket and held it close to me. We decided to go futher. While we were walking memories flashed through my head. From the start where she found my phone.. To the way she looked into my eyes the first time i saw her.. The moment her parents allowed her to go on tour with us.. The first night we shared my tiny bed in the bus.. The reaction of our fans when they first saw her.. Her parents who called her to come home.. When she was in the hospital because of our crazy fans.. The pictures of her and Zayn smoking.. I still see them kissing in front of me, i can't get it out my head. The memories keep flashing through my head, again and again and again.. I wish i could hold her in my arms again, i miss her so much and i'm so worried.. What if hadn't screamed at her? What if i wasn't be mad?
I think we've been looking for her for 4 hours. But still nothing. The paps are showing up slowly, why are they even here? How did they find out? They always know everything and i have no idea how.. We were all tired and fucked up so we couldn't take a lot. We didn't get a lot sleep and got very irritated.
"Where is your girlfriend?" "I heard she ran away?" "What did you do Niall?" "Is Zayn flirting with her?" "Does she love Zayn?" "Is Zayn taking her away from you?" "Did you dump Perrie for her Zayn?"
They kept screaming things to us. I kept walking with my snapback and my shades on to hide my tears. "CAN YOU FUCKING STOP? Can't you see we're all tired go away please !" I heard Zayn scream. "What are you hiding, a secret relationship with Femke?" A pap screamed back. Zayn went insane. "Shut up! You know nothing!!" Before the pap could say something back Zayn smashed him right in the face. "Leave us alone, think about how Niall is feeling right now!" He screamed and walked away. We were all shocked.. I ran to him. "Wow, never thought you'd do that.. For me.." I said quiet. "I'm sorry i kissed her mate.. I hope we find her." He said with tears in his eyes. I smiled and gave him a hug. "The past is just a lesson we've learned." The only thing that matters to me right now is Femke.
(Start the music on the right )
I guess this was it, we've been searching for her everywhere but couldn't find her.. I was holding her jacket tight.. I felt in the pockets when i suddenly found something. "What's that?" Harry asked quiet. "It's a letter i think.." I said with a trembling voice. I slowly opened it, my hands were shaking..
Dear Niall,
I'm in tears writing this and i have no idea why i'm doing this but my mind keeps telling me i have to..
I hate the way you don't believe me. Yeah i should've told you about the smoking.. But i would NEVER kiss Zayn! I love you with all my heart, and i always will. First of all I want to thank you for the amazing times i had with you and the boys on tour. Never thought something like that would happen to me.. We've been through a lot in that short period, good and bad stuff.. I hope you'll never forget those times. Or me.. I'm sorry i'm doing this to you, but i just can't handle my life anymore. It's like nobody cares about me, why am i even here? I'm sorry, i can tell you 100 times i'm sorry.. But it's not gonna change anything. The fans hate me, Perrie hate me, my parents don't want me.. And even you hate me now. Who even likes me? Nobody liked me in school, i was always the one who got bullied you know, i was always alone with no friends at all.. I had no luck in my life untill i found you.. I love you so much, but you deserve someone who is strong enough to survive all this.. And that's not me :) I'm not a strong person, i can't handle the fame and all the hate. I wasn't born for that, i'm useless and weak. I often miss that little girl whose dreams had no barriers, who believed in a world where anything was possible, with a heart that was full and unbroken. I know you're probably looking for me, but you can stop. I don't want you to find me, you don't wanna see me like this. If you'd see me now you'll never be able to get that outta your mind. It's better this way Niall, believe me. Tell Cyanne i love her and i'm gonna miss her so much. Thank her for everything she has done for me. And i hope she and Louis will be happy together. Tell the other boys they're all amazing, and don't be mad on Zayn forever okay baby? And tell them i'll miss them. But i'll miss you more baby, please don't ever forget me.. Don't ever think this is your fault, because it's not.. It's just my time, i've nothing left to do here. My mind keeps telling me i have to.. Don't let anyone bring you down. Stay strong for me, because i couldn't. I love you Niall, i'm sorry but i have to go.. We'll see each other around someday, up in the sky. I'll always be there, right there.. Deep inside your heart. My last tear just fell on this paper, I can't go on anymore. Please don't cry about me, smile because i was here. And I just wanted to say thanks again because you're the only reason I’ve smiled in years.
Goodbye my love.. ♡ Forever yours, Femke
