Pursuing Nirvana.

f o u r t e e n

Brayden held his composure like a professional, nodding and sending me a familiar devilish smirk.

"What would you like to know?"

I arched an eyebrow critically, "For starters, why the hell are you in prison?"

His smirk vanished within seconds and evolved into a shocked jaw part, his pupils virtually shrinking to needlepoints.

My stomach churned as I glanced over my shoulder towards Jesse, who was slowly backing away and pretending not to notice our conversation.

"Well," Brayden squeaked out weakly, "I guess it's about time that I tell you."

I nodded sharply, "Yeah."

A strangled noise erupted from Jesse, who was now pacing nervously between the cells. Brayden sat down next to the bars, criss-crossed. I followed suit, staring expectantly at the disheveled teenage boy in front of me.

"There no easy way to put this, but-" he hesitated, inhaling deeply, "in the past, I wasn't... conventionally considered... a good person."

My heart rate couldn't be measured, it was beating so fast. I was terrified for what he was going to say. All that I could manage was a shaky, "okay."

Brayden ran his hand through his messy hair and paused, frustration washing over his features.

"I used to 'use and abuse,' in a way. I would get nearly black-out drunk every night, bang some girl I knew for maybe an hour, and-" his voice broke, "beat her unconscious the next morning and leave, so that she wouldn't remember me."

Silence fell upon the room, Jesse had stopped pacing and now stood against a wall with his head in his hands. Even some of the prisoners, who were loud and rambunctious before, were now quiet and listening to Brayden's despicable story in fear.

"It all started when I was seventeen, as a coping mechanism for all the shit I was going through with my family. The abusive sex, I guess that just started happening as soon as I had lost all of my inhibitions and moral. I was ruthless, no sympathy for any of their feelings... because I couldn't feel anything myself."

I nodded slowly, staring at him in disgust and confusion. Emotions were building up on the inside, bad emotions. Persistent emotions, begging me to let them out. Begging me to release my sudden hatred towards my lover.

Instead I held my composure, remaining perfectly calm despite the storm inside. "What about Jack, what's the deal with that?"

Brayden bit down hard on his bottom lip, squeezing his eyes shut. Jesse muttered barely audible curses from his corner.

"Jack's sister happened to be one of the girls I was with one night. She was a very small and thin girl, and I was incredibly drunk. I didn't realize I was being far too rough on her, and-" Brayden covered his face with his hands, dragging his nails down his face, "I killed her."

All the little fragments of the past few weeks finally came together. Jack had been seeking revenge for his sister, it made perfect sense now. He had every reason to do what he was doing, yet I defended a monster. Questions rang through my mind at a lightning speed, why would Brayden kill just to cope? Why would he take an innocent life from this world, just because he was going through a hard time?