Burning Cold

Gone Forever

IMPORTANT!  UNLESS I PERSONALLY MAKE A NOTE THTA SAIS THAT A CERTAIN CHARACTER IS MINE, ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY BELONG TO Disney™.  I DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THEM (EVEN IF I SPELL THERE NAME WRONG).  IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE DISNEY ANIMATION MOVIE Frozen I WOULD ADVISE YOU SEE THAT BEFORE READING THIS FAN-FICTION.  Enjoy!

Elsa POV

I don't know what to do. I don't know what anyone could possible do or say that would ever make this better, make my life matter anymore. It's all over. All I've ever lived for. All I've ever needed. All I've ever wanted was to keep her safe. And I failed. Even true love can't save her. Not this time. Anna is gone forever and there's nothing anyone will ever be able to do about. Not the doctors, not me, not even the rock trolls had any magic that could save her. Nothing. Nothing will bring her back. The words feel empty. Feel unreal. Every time I turn a corner in this huge palace I hope that she'll be there. But she never is. And she never will be again. It's strange though, to think, was this how she felt all those years? If only I'd talked to her. But that doesn't matter any more. The past is in the past. The present however, is far worse. Even when I hadn't seen her in months the sound of her running through the palace singing and laughing would warm my heart. And I never thought about what it would be like if it went away. But now it has and my heart is cold, numb. Forever frozen in despair.  And still I find myself trying to be strong. In the back of my mind a tiny little voice whispers me things about the kingdom. How I must continue to be strong for my people. But the rest of me tell that voice that I can't. That there's no point. But I know there is. This kingdom will not fall. Not as long as I'm queen. No matter what. I will be the queen that these people deserve. I have too. The people of Arendelle don't need to suffer like me. I won't let them. But it's so hard. The memories of her are like a weight. Always there, reminding me. Telling me that
I could have-that I should have done something. I replay her last moments in my mind and run through scenario upon scenario where I could have done something. But I didn't. And there all just what ifs. Not good enough. Not real. But no matter how many times I tell myself, and I'm told that I can't change it I just can't not think about it. I could talk to Kristof but he wouldn't understand. He just-just doesn't get it. No matter if we both lost the same person and same and same same same it doesn't matter!  He will never understand.  He will grieve his way and I will grieve my way but he doesn't understand the pressure, the need to be perfect. Or at least look perfect. Look perfectly fine. But how can I look perfectly fine without looking insensitive? And how can I look hurt without looking weak? 

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I sit on my bed and try to compose myself. Today is Anna's funeral. I sit with my back straight and murmur my speech, trying not to stutter. A knock comes at my door. "Hey, you ready?"  Kristof peeks his head in. "No" I say back but stand up anyways. Kristof opens the door just enough to stand in the doorway. He looks me up and down with sad eyes as I walk towards him. I wore a black dress today, evidently, for the 'occasion'.  Kristof cleaned himself up nice too. I reach him and he swings the door open so that we can both get through and holds out his arm. I take it and close the door behind me as we make our way to the ballroom.  I wish we'd had a different room made to be the funeral hall. This room was the room where I saw Anna for the first time in what felt like forever. As we enter the already full ballroom everyone stands. I walk down the centre isle, as if it were my wedding, but sit down in the front row before I can get to the 'alter'. All of the guest that seem to fill this humongous room sit with me. Usually when the whole room sits like this it feels like a breath being let out, but today it's like the room itself is holding it's breath. The whole room is silent. I wait, but then remember that it me so has to start this. I stand and the stiffness in the air thickens.  Slowly I make myself walk to the podium that was set up beside Anna's shrine. I try my hardest not to look at that and focus instead on keeping my back straight, my chin up, and my face dry. I get to the podium, take the small step that with make it the perfect height for me to look out at the mass of people.  I look at Kristof who gives me an encouraging nod. Then I take a deep breath and start to recite my speech. "Princess Anna of Arendelle," I start, making sure to make my voice carry through the ballroom without quivering,  "was a person of the people. She was beloved by all who she encountered and could make anyone smile at any time no matter what," I smile a bit to myself at the though of her laugh and saw a few people in the crowd do the same.   I look to the front row to the seat right beside mine and see Kristof wipe a tear from his cheek. I swallow and continue, "and I am sure that I will not be alone in grieving her..." I pause, unable to say the next word," the loss of our beloved Anna of Arendelle. But hope that I will not be alone at celebrating her life. Anna knew that tomorrow may not come so she made the very most and the very best out of every day. I just wish she'd had a little bit more tomorrows to make the most of." I swallow again, now struggling to keep myself from crying.  "Alth-" my voice cracks "although she is my little sister, I learned so much from her," a tear runs down my right cheek, " please excuse me," I say, bringing my hand up to my mouth to keep back the sob that threatens to overcome me, "and I shall never forget her. She will live on in our memories, remembered as the kind, intelligent and caring person she was. " I pause, taking deep breaths, tears streaming down my face, "
Thanks you." I say finally, my voice cracking, and go back to my chair. Before I sit Kristof stands, takes my hands and squeezes them before letting them drop and then walking to the podium himself.  I sit and fold my hands on my lap neatly, remembering to always keep my back straight. "My wife Anna, was the light of my life. The day we finally got married, after postponing it for a month when a horrible  virus hit both our queen, and Sven, she would not, flat out refused, to eat anything except for chocolate cake. " I can't help but let out a small giggle at this,"And I thought, and have believed since that day to the day... The terrible day..." He also seemed to be holding of tears,"that she was my reason to live, that I would be lost without her there to guide me, help me look at every day with the highest if hopes, like she always did, but now I still will live on, in her memory, knowing that that is what she would have wanted.  And knowing that now that I have been blessed by that much kindness, and caring, and just overall joy that she gives a room when she walks into it , I will take it upon my self to try and be close to what an amazing person she is and be kind and caring and try my hardest to make people happy and make people smile..." He looks down and take a deep breath, remembering, and I assume as was the rest of the people here, "like she did." He looks up give a little nod, and walks back to his seat beside me. Lots of other people walk up to the podium to speak, the priest, the women who took care of Anna after our parents died, so many people came here, but I just want to be alone. I try to listen, but my thoughts can't seem to stay in one place.  First my parents, now Anna, I am truly alone. No matter how many people come to comfort me, wish me well, give there condolences, I am alone. Alone in my grief. And now, more than ever, I truly feel the loss of Anna.  When everyone is done speaking, and the last person has sat down, I realize that it's my turn again. I stand again, and walk back to the podium. " Thank you all so much for coming," I say, doing my best to keep my face straight and away from the frown that always threatens to pull at it." I hope you all know how much it means to me that you all took time out of your every day lives to come and pay your respects to my dear sister." I make a sweeping gesture towards her shrine, making sure not to look at it. What I said wasn't a complete lie, it did mean a lot to me that Anna wouldn't be forgotten throughout the people anytime soon. I smile and nod, realizing that I've already said thank you. I step down from the podium and start to walk back to my seat only to remember that I am to now stand by the door and greet a whole bunch of people who keep apologizing for something that wasn't there fault, just like they did when my parents died. I make the rest of the journey down the isle to the door as people stand around me, like a wave, all waiting for me to pass before rising from there seats to follow. I stop just outside the door and stand there and shake people's hands and nod my head and say thank you for what seems like hours before the last person finally leaves, and I'm left there in the hall beside the huge ballroom, alone except for Kristof and two guards beside the door on the opposite side of the hallway. Me and Kristof lock eyes. I start towards him, tears already streaming down my face. When I finally get to him I'm running. He takes me into him arms and we stand there for a minute as I calm down. When we part I seem to feel the whole weight of the day fall onto my eyelids. I sigh and look at Kristof, " Thank you." I say, a quizzical look comes over his face, " For what?" He asks, " For being there. For me." I say, give him a small smile and make my way to my bedroom. When I finally get through the maze of halls to to my room I open the doors and sigh, almost happily. Someone had started a fire in the large fireplace that sat against the back wall. I walk over to my desk, leaving behind my shoes and taking my hair out of its braided bun on the way, to write a thank you note for whoever it was. I place the note on the small mantel, where it will be safe from the fire but still noticed. I then proceed to my bathroom to rid myself of this dress. I slip on a nice soft nightgown and into bed. I lay, staring at the ceiling, the pain of loss still fresh, tearing at me. I turn over, like I always do, so not to drown in the tears that I know are to come. But they don't. I've run out of tears. All that is left now is a horrible feeling of sorrow and guilt and loneliness. More intense than before, when I could soothe the pain with tears, and lies, telling myself that it would get better, but now it seems that there's no hope. Just the loss deep inside of me, seeming to freeze my soul like never before and for the first time the cold stung me, like a burn. I'm alone with the pain. Its just me. Just me and the burning cold.

A/N ok, ok I know another note. I'm sorry. I just really like to know what people think about my writing, and all my friends sugarcoat it. There always like "no, no it great, it's great " and the thing is I NEVER KNOW WHEN THERE LYING. So please, don't be a hater, but if there's any manor plot holes of any spelling mistakes or if you have any questions alt just comments please PLEASE PLEASE comment, and I will read it and reply. Even if there's like a hundred and your thinking " oh well she won't even notice," yes I will notice, you should see how excited I get when I see that there's a notification from wattpad  sorry again I'm ranting, but thank you if you actually read this all I actually do appreciate when people listen to what I have to say,  even if it's just something small like this.(also if there's a spelling mistake in the A/Ns then you can also comment those, especially if it's so bad that you have no idea what I'm even trying to say).