I watched as the blood dripped down my arm. With every drop I felt the memories, the horrible memories, the mental scars be replaced with real ones. Every terrible word that was said, every insult, every heartbreak, was replaced. I'm not trying to kill myself I just want to numb the pain in my head, even if it means putting it in my arms.
I picked up my cell phone to see if I had any messages, none. Like usual. There was nothing left for me. There was no one that cared. All of my pain had to be contained within myself, and it was slowly but surely killing me. None of my old friends ever talk to me anymore. None of my fake friends ever acknowledge me anymore.It's like I'm fading. I'm slowly fading from existance, and eventually, when no one else cares I will disappear never to be seen or even thought of again.
I stood up and looked in the bathroom mirror. I was only trying to get a sense of what I am. I still don't know. Am I a monster? Is that why no one will waste thier time with me? Are they afraid of what I have become? I've changed so much in the past six months. I barely recognize myself. The black hair is new. The heavy eyeliner is new. The dark clothes are new. And the pentogram necklace, that's definitely new. What is it about me that people find so repulsing. I feel good in these clothes. I feel free with this eyeliner. Why can't anyone accept me? Why am I an outcast to them?
This moment is the most important decision of my life. I don't want to wait anymore for natural causes. I have to die now, before I can feel anymore pain. I start to weep. I was so nervous. I didn't know what to do other than this. I couldn't go on living like a stranger to myself. I had to do it. I had to because no one would want to do anything about it.
I held the gun. I clenched it tight. My last hope was that there was something better after all of this. Maybe heaven would be there waiting for me. Maybe hell will try to capture me. I just didn't know, but I wanted to no matter what the cost.
I picked up the gun from off the floor. I held it to my head. Here it goes...
