Worth it

Terms and Conditions

"So...what do you say?"

Lars' hands had gone stiff in Ronaldo's larger hand, mind overflowing with a multitude of thoughts. His eyes were staring at his boyfriend's other hand, where a small box sat in his palm while he rested his hand on his knee.

When Ronaldo had first gotten off of the couch, and knelt down in front of him while he was watching TV, Lars initially thought it was to tie his shoe or something, or to pick up a discarded magazine on the floor. But when Ronaldo took his two hands in one of his own, he knew something was up.

Everything was going too fast, Lars couldn't properly make a response, and as he began to stutter, the hopeful smile on Ronaldo's face shrank, "You don't-...want it?"

"H-hey no, it's not that it's just...gimme a sec, aight?", he mumbled, having pulled a hand up to cover his mouth, breathing slowly into it, "I...OK, I'm gonna need...more than a second, ok? I need like...a couple hours."

"L-Lars, I-" Ronaldo looked at him, heart sinking a little.

"Don't worry...It's nothing bad, I promise," Lars spoke rapidly, and gave a weak smile, shakily trying to get up, "I just...I need to comprehend this and stuff...think stuff over. I-I'll be back," he mumbled, and sprinted past the man on the ground, heading out the door of their shared flat.

Ronaldo stared at the ring in his hand, then the door, and felt his stomach knot. That hadn't been the reaction he'd been expecting. He'd hoped Lars would have been ecstatic at seeing the ring. He'd done his best to make it as easy going as possible, no public gimmick, no fancy date, just the two of them doing what they liked to do best, cuddling and just keeping each other company.

He really hoped Lars would come back.

He really hadn't been thinking when he'd bought the ring. Well, he had, but it was of wishful hopes and dreaming about the future, the two of them together, and the look on Lars' face when he saw the box.

As he looked at the little ring that he placed on the desk, he wanted to kick himself. Of course. He should have known. Lars was anxious about being put on the spot, even in a private setting! When he saw that ring, he must have felt like he was stuck with an ultimatum.

For Ronaldo, the options would have been, either we get married, or we don't and continue living as partners. But in Lars' mind, it must have been, commit to someone who I still have to work problems out with but I'm crazy in love with, or tell them no and lose them forever.

Ronaldo felt bad now, he wished he'd said up front that it was okay if Lars didn't want to get married now. He still loved him, and he didn't need to wear a ring to prove it. But it was just the sentiment part of it, to call him his own, to go through that whole ceremony, the vows, everything. Heck, they could skip any fancy reception or wedding, and have a marriage at city hall if that's what Lars wanted to do.

Maybe Lars would be fine with marriage once he thought over the financial benefits, the ability to be on the same insurance plan, to have the right to visit the other if they were hospitalized.

But they still had so many things in their life they hadn't discussed. Lars hardly ever talked about his parents, Ronaldo hadn't asked for any blessing, knowing Lars probably wouldn't heed it. They had been dating for well over nine years, living together for the last three, but was their tiny apartment the right place to start their new life together? And what about children? Ronaldo had thought of adoption in the late future, but was his lover going to be all too keen on parenthood? Would it cause a rift between them?

Ronaldo had to admit, in public it might be weird to address Lars as his husband, and vice versa. But then again, it had been weird for them to first address each other as a boyfriend when they first started going steady. Ronaldo had come out publicly when he was a teenager, but Lars only started telling people he was gay when he was about 23, deciding that after two years of dating Ronaldo, he was not just going through a phase.

Lars had said there was nothing to worry about when he'd left the apartment, but Ronaldo was listing off all the doubts Lars could be thinking over as reasons to not get married.

Lars wasn't thinking about those things at all. He'd already mentally decided on those things months in advance, in case Ronaldo decided to pop the question, or bring up marriage.

City hall would be just fine, weddings cost lots of money, and they really didn't belong to any specific church.

The financial benefits would be worth it. After a cancer scare two years ago, and an operation to remove a benign tumor near his thyroid, Lars knew it would be important to be on the same insurance plan as his lover if they wanted to help each other in times of crisis. He remembered the heartbreak on Ronaldo's face when a nurse insisted general visiting hours were over, and that he'd have to leave him in the hospital until the next day.

He was impartial to children, but if it made Ronaldo happy, then he could learn to be a decent parent.

He knew if he said no to Ronaldo's proposal, it wouldn't be taken too personally. They'd still be in love.

Lars was just afraid of hurting him again.

All throughout their time knowing each other, he'd been prime instigator for most of their spats, their rifts, and their problems. He had an antagonistic streak he was aware of, and loathed, but every time he tried to get past it, it only came back again.

He was sore tired of Ronaldo looking so hurt after their fights. Lars never meant any of what he said, he really didn't, but why was it so hard for him to say what he meant instead of hurtful things that he really didn't mean? Ronaldo was a cheerful person, and Lars felt disgusted with himself for being the reason he might not be cheery.

Ronaldo deserved better than him, and maybe he knew that, but he didn't care. He still loved Lars all the same. They were best friends of almost thirty years, lovers close to ten. The pluses grossly outweighed the minuses.

Returning to the apartment, seeing Ronaldo flat on his back on the couch, staring at the ceiling anxiously, Lars made his decision.

He'd accept, but only if he made himself accept the condition that if he instigate another fight, he would force himself into anger management and counseling two things he desperately had tried to avoid. He wouldn't tell Ronaldo about that now. He was already looking pretty shaken up over how Lars just up and left. He didn't need to hear the conditions, he just needed the straight answer.

"Ron? I've thought things over," Lars spoke up softly.

Ronaldo glanced over, putting his glasses back on his face, and swallowed dryly, "Yeah?"

Giving a playful look, Lars picked up the box, opening it to look at the ring, and gave a small snicker as he pulled it out.

"Help me fit this thing on my finger, will ya?"