Clockwork [final]

Twenty-Six

As soon as Adette left the room the silence became even more unbearable. The ticking of the clock suddenly seemed agonizingly loud, his head swollen and heavy with the weight of his thoughts.  He buried his face in his hands, shoulders slumped. Again and again, the question swirled in his mind; could he really be good enough? Her face flickered behind his eyelids. What could he really do to support her? He was jobless, alone, and in the end, utterly hopeless. He was nothing, especially compared to her. What was the point in even trying when he knew he couldn’t be good enough?

In reality, he had only just recovered from his drug addiction. What sort of good influence could he possibly be to a child? He hardly could look after Adette as it was. What was he honestly supposed to do?

The more hopeless he felt, the more hopeless the situation seemed. His gaze fell on the telephone, basked in shadows from the grey morning light. After just pressing a few buttons, he could simply call up his old drug dealers and ask them to give him more. He could escape once again; not have to face this problem, just as he had refused to face many others.

Adette held her hand under the icy water coming from the shower, patiently waiting for it to warm up; but, it didn’t. She sighed, pulling a simple white oversized shirt over her head and walking down the stairs. The hot water had broken down again, so she might as well do some cleaning.

Derek got to his feet, a mindless zombie. He crossed the kitchen. His hand hovered over the phone. Was he really going to do this? Risk everything? The more he thought about it, the more he knew he was going to. With a haunted look in his eyes, he picked up the phone and dialled the number, holding his breath. Memories of all the hundreds of times he’d been in the exact same situation spun in his head.

“Yo, what up?” the familiar voice came, rough as sandpaper and slurred. An effect of drug use, perhaps; he did not know.

“Hey, my man. It’s Derek,” he said as casually as he could, his heart in his throat.

Adette started to walk in the direction of the kitchen, but upon hearing Derek’s voice, she quickly ducked behind the doorframe, not wanting to interrupt him. A quick peek around the door showed he was on the phone. She stayed silent, wondering what could bring him to call anyone. She bit her lip, wondering if it was wrong for her to eavesdrop. He might be trying to surprise her with something. She shrugged it off; she would only listen long enough to work out what he was doing.

“Derek, my boy! Where you been? We all thought you were dead,” the drug dealer jeered.

He hesitated, searching for a way to deflect the remark. He found none, so instead he simply replied, “Yeah man, it’s been crazy.”

The drug dealer at the other end paused, waiting to see if there was any more he had to say. When he realized there wasn’t, he cautiously ventured, “So, what can I do for ya, Derek?”

“Look… do you think you could set me up with some crack? I… I need to get away, man.” His voice shook at the end of his sentence as if it were balancing on a tightrope.

The drug dealer chuckled darkly. “Ah, good old Derek, eh? Old habits die hard. How much you after, scumbag?”

Derek fell silent, the reality of what he was doing hitting him. What was he thinking, calling up his old drug dealer? He had a girlfriend now, a roof over his head, a baby on the way; he couldn’t possibly risk it all now. Things were different now and he knew it. He couldn’t just revert to his old ways, not when he’d come so far. He couldn’t let her down. He swore that he wouldn’t. He promised himself. With that, he hung up the phone and buried his face in his trembling hands.

But, his change of heart was already too late. Around the corner, Adette leaned against the doorframe, her expression a mask of horror.

When he lifted his face from his hands, he was met by her piercing green gaze. His blood turned to ice.