The Bad of Me

Chapter One

As I stand at the edge of Violet's bed I sigh. I don't know what I'm even doing here anymore, obviously Violet is never gonna forgive me so why do I even try anymore? She sees when I'm there but ignores me. I know I said I would wait forever but what's the point? I walk from Violet's bed and out the door. I go up to the attic to play with Beau. He rolls the ball. We do this stupid shit everyday, rolling balls and shit. I wanna go out into the world and be free. Not see the same people and do the same shit everyday. Being dead is the fucking worst. I walk to the corner, sit, and cross my legs. I start to think of all the memories Violet and I had together. Why the fuck did she have to die? Why did her family have to die? It's because of me right? There's so much shit and if she didn't kill herself then she could've left this shitty house and my memories would be gone because she would be, but she isn't and that's what kills me the most. Beau comes up to me and puts his head on my shoulder. I hold up a paper that held a poem inside. 

"You are the light,

the light that shines so bright.

I can't imagine myself without you.

And I was hoping you would feel the same way too."

I look at it in silence. I rub the corner in between my fingers and it cuts me. "Shit." I whisper. Beau backs away from me. I crumple the paper, put it in my pocket and walk towards the door. "Fuck." I swear out loud. I just realized it's been twenty years since we first met.

"It's not polite to swear out loud." Violet mumbles

"So-"

"Don't apologize to me I don't care. No matter how much you swear or don't swear, you're still a shithead." her words stung me so bad I started to lose my breath. She watched me waiting for a response.

"Okay..." I say. She looks at me in shock as if she was surprised that I only said one word calmly. I start to walk away and I pull out the ball of paper that was in my pocket, I hold it in my hand and I turn around holding it in my closed fist but with different intentions. I started to have the sudden urge to say something else so I stopped walking. "Vi-"

"Tate I don't really-"

"No, let me speak for once dammit. I'm done." I pause

"Wha-"

"I'm done waiting, I'm done trying, I'm just done trying to get back what was when you wont let me back in. Violet I don't wanna wait anymore. I've waited so long and yet every night I'm still down in the dark sobbing and even praying that you would come back to me."I start to squeeze my fist harder and my eyes start to tear up as I try to gather all my sanity again. "I've had doors slammed in my face, told to go away constantly, avoided, ignored, seen but not heard. I can't because it's killing me inside and I'm already dead. Violet I'm done trying to be good for you. You were the reason for me to change. Now I don't care. Talk to me or not, I don't care anymore." As I tell her this I see her start to tear up and her eyes widen. That was always my weakness but it won't be anymore. As I was going to walk away I tossed the crumpled paper to Violet's feet. "Happy Anniversary." I say in a cold-hearted tone as I walk away.