ReLife (リライフ)

report 2. Pitiable

It is cold and damp tonight and I wanted to sleep in my cozy bed but I couldn't help to think of what I went through today. My eyes were wide open, looking at the empty ceiling with no hope. What now?

...Going back? To my home sweet home?

Only just about one run for each hour to get there. It's totally surrounded by ocean which takes about one hour drive to get to the nearest station. Speaking of women, there are only aunts and grandmas over there.

NO, NO, NOWAY I'M GOING BACK THERE, EVER! All this effort I put in, just to come here.Who would wanna go back to the outpost!! But... what should I do now. I can't live with my part job money this year or in the future. Great...

I breathed in and out processing the information that need to be sorted into my brain. As I hugged my knees like holding onto the edge with nothing but weight, I submerged into the dark atmosphere. My eyelids were starting to get heavy and soon closed.

'Ring, ring-'

It was the sound of my phone ring tone but at the same time, it echoed like the bells from heaven. Well, I knew I wasn't dead yet. Some part of me hoped it was my mother again, to take back the brutal words. Obviously not.

"Hello?"

"Yo Arata, what's up. How are you doing ? I just finished work but you still at work?" I would love to say this phrase once. This kind of question are said by people who are has an offical job unlike me. Relaxed and positive voice. My friend. The one I avoided the most in life for the sake of not having a job and the only thing they talk about is job, job... JOB! Too satisfied to know what situation I am in.

I always reply, "Nah I'll come,"or ,"I've actually finished work just then," to step out of awkward conversation that are completely fake.

"Oh, really? Should we have a quick drink then?"

Panic rushes through my face. "Oh.. Oh Yeah! That sounds great."

"OK, I'll catch you later. See you soon."

"Yeah, OK. See ya..."

My heart can not rest for more than 10 minutes. I always have distraction to get me going on my toes, to run, to deflect, to protect my pride. Pride that is not worth protecting. Just to talk to my friend, I had to use this much energy.

The awfully bright light from the phone shone my black empty room far to the corner but that didn't shine any light into my gloomy feelings. As I pulled myself out from the bed, I got the suit out from the wardrobe to get dressed. To meet my friends, I needed to pretend. Pitiable...

I just hated wearing suits. It's tight and it makes my neck itchy every time. Especially when I'm around my friends. I get sweaty and sticky which isn't very pleasant. I understand their kindness for included me most of the time for a drink but I want someone to mind-read my brain so they can comfort me a little. 

'Today, I was so close for being relocated to a new company.'

'Ha ha, that's lucky. You recently made a girlfriend, right?'

'Yeah, yeah I did. If I had to relocate, my girlfriend would be having tragedy lol.'

"Girlfriend?" Haha, that's something new. 

'Arata, haven't I told you yet? I got a girlfriend last week.'

'Nice! Good job.'

'Thanks man.'

' How are you going? Has anything changed at your place?' I had a quick flashback of my mum telling me to come back.

'Ha ha... nothing much really. I'm actually not sure. I have been disputing."

'What?! Man, are you OK? You really are having a lot of difficulties.' Like you know anything about it and are able to help me. Everybody's acting like a bunch of workers but what about me...

Hope, anger, surprised, depressed, awkward. All the feelings and emotions are turning into circus clown and jumbling around making me sick. My legs wobbled forward with my body against the wall, as I dragged myself home. When I was at the pub, I seriously had nothing to do except to get distracted by the alcohol while I was sitting there listening to my friends talking about their life. My mother's voice saying, 'Is there a point of you being there?' came back to my head. The words sink into my brain. I had nothing to say.

Why did I even come here. A dream, a goal, a full-time job, a friend or a girlfriend which supports me in these situation, nothing that can make me enjoy life in general. Why did my life end up like this......?

The luminous moon shines the back of one figure which stood in front of me. Same height, wearing a suit and a side bag. I followed along his silhouette from the bottom to the top, seeing a smile on its face. I needed to question myself if this was really happening. What needs to be done with a drunk 27 year old man. He smiled at me once more, giving me shivers down my back. After the freakish smile, he talked to me and said,

"Hello. Nice to meet you, Mr Kaizaki Arata♪"