"Cancer"(mean boys contest entry)

2. THE HARDEST PART OF THIS IS LEAVING YOU

I'd like to apologize for any spelling or grammer mistakes.

*Jess's POV *

"You have visitors Mrs clifford"
Said Audrey my nurse

"Okay that you"

I see a familiar head of jet black hair followed by Gerard's face and then followed by Mikey's face peek through.

Gerard has dark cures under his eyes. Darker than usual.

Mikey looks nervous and concerned.

"Hey kiddo"said Gerard as he approached to gently hug me Mikey following suit. The hug was so gentle I felt like a doll.

"Hey" I said hugging them back.

"How you keepin'?"

"I've had better days mike"

We chat about the types if procedures I'm going through at the moment and basically updating them on how I'm keeping and all the chemo I've had.

"So how's Michael about the whole thing?" Asked Mikey after some time.

"Ugh that's the worst. After all the chemo and treatment the hardest part of this is leaving him"

"Have you told him that?" Asked Gerard with tears in his eyes and a croak in his voice it makes me so sad to see him like this, but he must feel the same way about me.

"No!" I sigh, recalling every time I manage to try and tell him that I want him to be able to move on he always tells me he doesn't want to think about it yet. I understand that but they're are things I need to tell him. I need to let him know I love him and that leaving him the hardest part before its too late.

"He gets so upset about it but I really wanna be able to tell him all of this before he goes because chances are he'll only want to hear it when I'm gone" I confess

"You could write him a letter" suggested Mikey. "If you happen to uh...run out of time at least you'll still be able to let him know"

"Its not enough to explain everything...actually I was thinking if writing a song for him he connects so much with music but I have no talent in that field what so ever. Would you guys maybe..... help me"

"Always sis, always."

.............

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

I look up from the portable keyboard on my lap that Gerard left me. So I could play for Michael.

I've just made it real for him. I can tell. He doesn't even try to hide the tears on his face. I don't want to leave him I love him too much. But at least I'm gonna die hes gonna have to live with this. Without me. That's when I start tearing up.

He comes at me and cradles me in a feather like hug as if he'd have the power to break me.
But I hold him with an iron grip.

We just sit and cry for hours. Recalling the old days. And the good times.

Fingers intertwined

Hearts beating in time

Tears shed now and again

A gentle kiss shared every few minutes. Representing the gost of what used to be passionate make out sessions and strength in this relationship.

But all is much weaker now. With each others live it used to feel like we could walk in water but now it looks like we've tripped and started to drown.

"Michael?"

"Hmm"

"I want you to have this" I slip the flash drive with my song on it into the palm of his hand.

He stares down at the small green stick in his palm and begrudgingly  allows one perfect tear drip down his cheek. And I just hold him as he let's out shaky breaths. He holds me back.

"Baby I can't tell you how many close ones we've had. My life seems to revolve around hospitals and injuries. I've almost lost everyone I care about and I myself have nearly died. But this time ...as much as I hate to admit . For your sake I have to. This is the worst pain I've been in. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy ... And we're talking BRAD here. Well okay maybe. I want you to know how much I love you. You've made me a better man. And the day you said you loved my sorry ass...was the best moment of my life." I'm angry I really am. Not at you...at the world...at god....at the little cells of toxic cancer that are takeing you away from me. I'm gonna a be real I have no idea where I'm going with this. But that doesn't matter to me. The point is I adore every single thing about of vagely related to you.

Those eyes... I'm gonna a miss em
That smile... I'm gonna miss making it
Those lips....I'm gonna miss kissing them
And Jess.....I'm gonna miss saying that."

And there it was.Us. Trying to hold on to something so out of reach.
But that's the thing about love

You can't help who you fall for  you can't cure Cancer and you can't heal a broken heart.