Letters
2009
Dearest Ryan,
((Underline Ryan four times))
Ryan, I write this with great distress. I want to understand why you left but I'm to afraid to post this. I don't know what to do. What's the point in writing this? I'm not going to send this. Ever!
Love,
Bren <3
((Underline four times))
2010
Dearest Ryan,
((Underline four times))
You changed you number. Do you hate me? I'm sorry Ry. I really am. I love you. I just don't want to lose you. You won't even talk to Spencer or Jon. If it's me you hate don't take it out on them. Please, its not their fault I'm a fucking idiot.
Love,
Bren <3
((Underlined four times))
2011
Dearest Ryan,
((Underline once))
Another letter to the collection of letters I will never send. Sarah and I are slowly drifting apart. I miss you. I still love you, Ryan and Sarah isn't the same as you. I regret letting you walk out that door that faithful night. Comeback, and let me fix my careless mistakes.
Love,
Brendon
2012
Dearest Ryan,
I know I fucked up. I'm slowly losing the girl. I don't think I can ever get you back. I'm so sorry Ryan. Forget the fight. Comeback baby, comeback for me!
Love,
Brendon
2013
Dearest Ryan,
Why do I continue to write these. All I'm doing is writing these to keep my demons at bay and to keep your ghost content. Yes, I know your not really dead but at this point you might as well be. We don't talk. I somehow still miss you.
Love,
Brendon Urie
2014
Dearest Ryan,
I always mean to send these. Almost everyone left Panic! you were the life of Panic! You may have been quite but I always knew I could count on you. I need that. Ryan I truly am sorry. Comeback, please.
Love,
Brendon Boyd Urie
2015
Dearest Ryan,
Its been four years since you left. I can't remember why you left. I can't remember why I'm so afraid to send these. It's hard for me not to be afraid because I don't know where you live. I don't want some stranger to get a letter written to a George Ryan Ross III or Ryan Ross. I'm terrified of how much I miss you and how much my marriage has failed. My marriage failed because I can't get over you.
Love,
Brendon Boyd Urie
2016
Dearest Ryan,
This would've been the year we would've married if I hadn't fucked up and lost your trust, and it would've been this day too. I'm such a fucking mess. Sarah took her stuff and ran off. I guess she got sick of everyone else treating her like shit and I was a terrible husband. I don't blame her. I blame myself, for the past eight years being focused on the fact that I fucked things up with you. I'm sorry Ryan. I didn't mean to fuck what we had up like I do everything else. I'm sorry.
Love,
Brenny
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I know this chapter makes no since right now but it will next chapter I promise.
Ren
