home

seven

"You seem happier, what has changed?" Dr. Hill observed my uplifted mood from the last time I had been in her office. Usually my mood was depressed when I came into her office merely because everything we talked about was very heavy and emotionally, it weighed a lot.

"I meet someone who I enjoy talking to." I told her hiding a smile just thinking about my new friend.

"That's wonderful, I'm glad you are getting yourself back out there. The more people you meet and are around the better because you're not alone with your thoughts for long periods of time. How are you doing with your parents relationship?" She asked me wanting to know the status on my personal relationships.

"They are great I just feel..." I stopped not wanting to say it out loud to her. Just thinking about it in my head made me feel like a terrible daughter but I couldn't help what I felt.

"It's a safe place here Rowan. You can tell me anything and I won't judge you." Dr. Hill told me, encouraging me to speak my mind.

"I know my parents love me it's just, we aren't the way we used to be. I know maybe what I'm feeling is wrong but I can't help to feel like this and it breaks my heart." I didn't fully disclose what I was meaning merely because I wasn't ready to say my thoughts outloud.

"If you still need time to think this over you don't have to tell me now. So let's move on shall we, let's go back to the person you met. What about this person makes you feel happy?"

I knew she was referring to Harry and I couldn't help but smile at the image of him in my head. "He can carry on a normal conversation with me. He doesn't talk to me with pity like everyone else in my life does. The only other person who can talk to me normally is Elena, it's just nice to be spoken to like a regular person without someone bringing up what happened to Kait. I'm tired of being know as the tragedy." I spoke freely of the quality Harry possessed that no one else seemed to have.

"Do you feel like others around you only talk to you out of pity?" Dr. Hill dug into the subject of pity I had brought up.

"Yes, I feel like anytime someone talks to me all conversations lead to Kait. I love Kait but I can't keep talking about her if I'm trying to move on. I do appreciate all the apologies that I get but I can't handle that one subject everyone seems to know me for." I looked down at my knees with tears brimming my eyes. "I'm tired of being known for my fault."

"I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I can see you are craving something more than what you are getting from people. You feel like no one can have a regular conversation because all they can see is the family tragedy you were in." Dr. Hill's alarm beeped letting us know that the session was over like usual.

Wiping away my tears from under my eyes my sleeve absorbed the salt tears that had dripped out of my eyes while talking about my need for something that I couldn't explain. I wanted a new identity. Rowan Cadwell had been the girl that lost her sister one night in the spring of last year. Now that was all people could see, the tragedy that her name stirred up in people.

"I want you to keep branching out, keep talking to that person you met. Go out and have fun!" Dr. Hill patted my back while I exited her office. I nodded waving goodbye while I than exited the office and went on my way to the coffee shop that was slowly coming into view the more I walked.

"How did I know that was you?" Harry greeted from the counter while I smiled looking his way.

"You didn't." I teased getting closer to the counter where Harry stood behind.

"Oh but love, I did. You come at the same time every Thursday. Where are you coming from?" Harry asked me causing my stomach to drop. I didn't want to tell him I had a shrink. If he found out about my family and my issues regarding the accident that occurred, he would never treat me the same. I would be treated like everyone else treated me, like a fragile glass doll.

"No where." I told him not as confident as I would have hoped.

"Has anyone ever told how bad of a liar you are?" Harry raised an eyebrow obviously not satisfied by the answer.

"Many of times but still I manage to try despite my failed efforts."

"Epically failed attempts might I add." He cracked a smile as I than bit my lip with a smile on the verge.

"Ouch!" I placed my hand over my heart as if he had hurt my heart with his comeback. "It wasn't that bad of a fail!"

"Harry!" His manager snapped at him as he looked back at her with a smirk.

"Hey she's the one distracting me!" He blamed while I crossed my arms across my chest with a laugh.

"I'm sorry if you find me distracting." I fluttered my eyelashes innocently.

"I find you very distracting." Harry said while writing my name on the cup and handing it off to the girl behind them.

"I didn't even tell you what I wanted!" I told him.

"I already know what you want."

"And what is that?" I tilted my head waiting his answer.

"A vanilla latte with a shot of that caramel creamer." His accent grazing over the word creamer.

"I'm impressed." I nodded once Harry handed me the drink while I gave him my card.

"I'm a good listener." Harry gave me that dimpled smile while handing me back my card.

"I like that, I don't have very many people in my life who are good at listening." I told him as I sipped on my drink.

Saying my goodbyes a longed to stay and keep talking to Harry but knew I was only distracting him from his work. Smiling to myself while I walked down the city streets I found myself at home with my tea brewing while I watched an episode of friends till I fell asleep.