{C o d y}
I sat on the uncomfortable roof watching the corner house with intense concentration. Her light was off –as it had been when she arrived home a few hours ago– and I couldn't help but feel guilt rise up in my stomach.
I hated the idea of her crying in her room in the dark. She's always been so scared of the dark.
But the fact that she was crying because of me, hit me even harder. The fact that I made those beautiful eyes overflow with never ending pools of salty water made me want to punch myself in the face.
I loved her, there was no doubt about that, but she and I could never be together. She deserved someone better, not some pathetic jackass like me.
When I had her it was one of the greatest moments of my life. She was there in my arms , I could hold her just as I've wanted to since we were younger. I had finally succeeded in getting the one that I've always wanted, but I panicked.
I remember the day after we had confessed to our feelings to each other I was a completely mess. I ignored her calls and texts and paced in my room for about an hour, wondering what I could do to get out of it.
Not that I didn't want to be in the relationship because that was . I just didn't think she needed someone like me in her life like that. She needed someone who treated her better than I did.
To me, all she needed me for was to be there for her. To comfort her when she was sad and give her advice when she needed it. I was her older brother. At least that's what I thought I was to her.
As I thought about all these things my mind began coming up with solutions on how to fix this. What can I do to end this and give her the life she deserved?
That night I had made my decision. I crashed a house party and got piss drunk, trying to forget the problem all together, when the girl came.
She was pretty, I'll admit to that. Her blonde hair complimented her skin tone and her body was what everyone would classify as perfect. But there was only one problem. She wasn't Aubrey.
That's the point! I thought. You have to get over her! You have to move on! You have to give her the life she deserves!
I spent all night with the girl and the next day at school, I walked into school with her wrapped in my arm. As I passed Aubrey in the hall the pain of my hangover was taken over by the pain of seeing her cry. All I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and apologize; tell her that I was tremendously sorry and that everything was going to be okay, but that went a against my plan.
She'll be happier this way.
Well at least I thought she would.
That was the day I lost everything. She was my world. My everything. And before that day I had every intention of making her see that, but the idea only lasted a few simple seconds. I had cut ties with her completely.
Mum was disappointed in me. "I raised you better than this" she shook her head, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she spoke to me through the open window. "She'll be happier this way mum" I mumbled, my eyes watery. "She deserves better than me."
