Phantom of the Apartment

Q&A With the Dead

     Jason called in sick to work the next day. He needed to take care of this ghost issue, and he needed to do it fast. Not daring to leave his room, he pulled his own laptop onto his stomach and did a quick Google search on how to talk to ghosts. I should have done this a long time ago, Jason thought. He clicked a few articles and began to read.

     As he read, however, he realized most of the steps required night. There is no way I am waiting a whole day with an angry ghost in my house. Then he remembered something. I hope that blackout curtains can substitute for night time.

     Once he had finished the articles, he wrote down the steps and closed his laptop. Then, Jason warily left his bedroom. The first thing he noticed upon leaving was the reappearance of the blue laptop on the counter. He sighed. Jason hadn't really expected the locked closet to stop the ghost, but it was still disappointing. Then he noticed something strange. Two hot cups of coffee were sitting on the table. I guess I'm not the only one who thinks it's time to talk, he thought. Good. That will probably make it easier to have a conversation. I hope.

     He walked to the kitchen and grabbed some cereal and toast and then began to walk back to the table. Then he froze. Do ghosts eat? He wasn't sure, but he thought it might be rude not to offer her (Jason was fairly sure that the ghost was a girl) food anyway. So he grabbed a second bowl of Cheerios and another piece of toast and placed them next to the two cups of coffee. Then he pulled out his list of steps.

     Step one: Enter a place where the ghost has been active. Well, the living room would have to suffice. Jason pulled the blackout curtains shut and turned off all the lights.

     Step two: Light a candle. The ghost will see this as an invitation to come talk. Alright. He searched his drawers for a lighter, silently cursing himself for being so disorganized. When he found one, he grabbed a candle from the table and lit it. Once that was done, he set it carefully on the table and sat down.

     Step three: Record everything. That should be easy, he thought as he pulled out his phone and clicked the record button. As soon as he had, however, it turned itself off. Jason tried again and again but each time the result was the same. Ok. She's either camera shy or I need a new phone. Either way, he decided to skip step three.

     Step four: Tell the ghost you want to talk. Jason took a deep breath, suddenly feeling silly for doing all of this.

     "Hello? Is anybody there?" Nothing. "I just want to talk. I, uh, I brought you Cheerios. Do you like Cheerios? Well, either way, I think we should probably discuss living arrangements. Can you show me you're listening somehow?" As he said this, the coffee farthest from him on the table lifted into the air. There was a slurping sound as the coffee drained from the cup. I'll take that as a yes.

Step five: Ask polite questions. Jason felt a bit frightened as he looked around the dimly lit room. The coffee mug was still hovering an inch of the table, however, so he knew he had an audience and should go quickly.

"Um, what is your name?" Nothing. "Hello?" Silence. The ghost was ignoring him. Jason considered informing the ghost that he knew she was listening with the use of some colorful language, but then decided that didn't fit under the category of "polite" and that he probably shouldn't further upset the her. After a long moment of thought, Jason cleared his throat and spoke, mentally adding a new step. I hope this works...

     Step five (cont.): If the ghost does not cooperate, tell a joke. "Hey, why did the chicken go to the séance?" He paused for a moment. "To get to the other side!"

     Laughter rang out across the house. It was pure and genuine laughter, free of any malice or mischief he had heard in that laugh before. In the chair across from him, a figure began to solidify. Slowly, he began to see the figure with more clarity until the chair behind it was only a slightly visible impression. It was the ghost.

     She was sitting with her feet up on the table, wearing skinny jeans and a blue hoodie. Her brown hair was tied into a messy bun with strands that fell around her neck. As she laughed, her dark green eyes seemed to twinkle. When her laughter finally subsided, she grinned at him.

     "Well, hello there," she said. "Nice joke."

     Jason, startled by the sudden appearance of the ghost, froze. What do you say to a ghost? He grabbed his list hoping he had remembered to write down question ideas. He had. "W-what do you call yourself, ghost?"

     "The name's Rebecca. And, if I remember correctly, you're Jason."

     "Yeah, yeah. So uh," he read through the list again and then spoke in a formal tone. "Why do you haunt this place, spirit?"

     She raised an eyebrow and spoke, annoyance seeping into her voice as she did.  "Well, it is my apartment. I'm not 'haunting' it, I live in it. And I just told you my name. Use it."

     Jason began to read again but looked up suddenly after the apartment comment. "Hey! This is my apar-"

     "Sure," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "Whatever floats your boat. Now, weren't you asking something?"

     "Uh..." He scanned the list, desperately searching for a good question. Then she snatched the paper from his hand, crumpled it up, and the it over her shoulder.

     "It's so hard to have a conversation when you're reading a script. Just say whatever you were meaning to say and be done with it."

     Jason went slightly pale. "Um... I... I hereby banish you from this apartment and forbid you ever return!"

     Rebecca looked at him for a long moment, the dim room falling into a terrible silence. Then, she grinned. "Well, that was worth a shot. Too bad I'm not going anywhere. It was nice to meet you, Jason. I hope we can be good friends one day. It'll make life, or death in my case, so much less awkward around here. See you later!" And then she was gone.

     Jason sat petrified for a moment, and then began to rise. Then Rebecca suddenly reappeared, causing him to stumble and fall backwards out of his chair. She had that large grin plastered to her face.

     "One more thing. What's the wifi password?"