i look at the cup that sits on my dirty table
"it's half empty"
and i know people will tell me it's actually half full
but the water is dirty
and i wouldn't drink it
so i stare at the water
the muggy water
the dirty glass
my messy room
my tangled hair
and my rough hands
the serial killer book on my floor that i need to return
the basket of clothes in the middle i always seem to trip over
BUT IT'S RIGHT THERE AND IT'S NOT SMALL AND I'M BLIND
or maybe i trip over it on purpose
because i can't feel anything
i am a corpse lying in my bed staring out the window at the empty sky
but flowers don't grow from my decaying body
mushrooms do and they only feed the maggots in my stomach
my eyes roll to the back of my head to actually see in color
to see in depth
to remember
TO REMEMBER THAT I NEED TO FEED THE CAT
AND I NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL
AND I NEED TO STOP WEARING THE SAME SHIRT BECAUSE IT'S STARTING TO SMELL
and these thought
these dumb and annoying thoughts won't leave
i don't have a cat anymore
and i hate school
and this shirt is a security blanket
"where are you?"
at home, where i'll always be
"are you coming back to school?"
i don't know
"people think you're dead"
because i am...
the cup is half full
but the water is dirty....
and i'm not that thirsty
but mushrooms only survive with water
and i need to feed the maggots...
