Love, Isla (Wattys 2016)

3 | daunting

"It was books that made me feel that perhaps I was not completely alone. They could be honest with me, and I with them." - w i l l

I s l a

MY MUM HAD always been addicted to drinking. Ever since my dad left to America for work, she felt more lonely than an abandoned child. And so, out of ideas, she used alcohol as her only comforter.

This left a pretty negative impact on me and Gabriel. She used to yell at us and tell us that if no one loved her then she shall not love us.

As much as it hurt, it all sort of made sense. I once read in a book that if no one cared for you then were you really existing at at?

No one seemed to care for me. So, did that mean that I wasn't even human? I was just the shadow of a another? Invisible?

But I could feel myself. My skin, my hair. I could hear myself speak and my heartbeat in my ears. I could see myself in my own reflection.

I don't know what happened to my father. I heard my mum saying that he died in a freak car accident in Alabama when he was going to a work meeting.

For some reason I never let myself believe her. If I existed, then somebody did care for me. That had to be my father, right? It had to be.

Now, standing in front of the mirror, I stared at my eyes which was the exact same shade of blue as my mother's. I forgot what color my father's eyes were. It was too long from when I last saw him.

It was almost 8 o'clock so Gabriel insisted I got ready for the dinner at Callum's house. I decided to wear my favorite high-wasted skinny jeans and a white tee that read ,'Take Me To Narnia..."

Callum hates The Chronicles of Narnia.

"Ready?" Gabriel asks from the doorway.

"Yeah, where's mum?" I call back.

He shrugs before guiding me downstairs a little too forcefully.

Mum was standing at the front door, her golden-brown hair pulled back in a low ponytail. She held a plate of warm spring rolls and nodded at my presence, opening the door.

No 'I love you'. No 'Hi, how was school?'. Nothing but a nod.

I frowned, pushing away the thought before following her outside.

The humidity hit me like a truck. It was November in Sydney so the weather was sort of scaling between tropical thunderstorms and extremely hot days.

Tugging at my shirt, I stepped onto the Hayes' lawn, looking up at their house. It was exactly the same as ours except flipped over so it wasn't that exciting to look at.

We reached their porch and Gabriel rang the doorbell, excitement glistening in his eyes.

"Jocelyn! Gabriel! Isla!" Lauren, Callum's mother, smiled warmly, her brownish-red hair falling in ringlets over her shoulders. She quickly hugs all of us before guiding us into her formal dining room. Plates upon plates stacked the tables - plates full of pasta, wedges, chicken cooked in like 5 different ways and pastries. There was suddenly a strong welcoming aura drawing me closer and closer to the food but I resist, standing in between Gabriel and mum near the hallway.
"Wow! You didn't have to cook this much, Lauren!" Mum gasps but she was smiling in a sort of sad, admiring way.
Lauren blushes, looking away, "oh, it's nothing, Jocelyn. I'm sorry but Robert won't be coming tonight. He's gone to drop off Mira at her dance recital and she insisted him to watch," she shakes her head, laughing, "she's a father's girl, she is."
I smile, staring at her eyes which looked so much like Callum's it was actually kind of adorable.