Love, Isla (Wattys 2016)

4 | breaking

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"If no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?" - t e s s a

C a l l u m

I WORE HOODIES for a reason. A reason that I have never told anyone except my sisters about. Scars.
Scars weren't exactly something I'd want to show off. They were long and visible, screaming words of discouragement whenever I look at them.
They came from when I went to Perth. I wasn't exactly happy about it and so wasn't my father. Not Robert, the lovely man my mother married a few months ago. No, my biological father.

There was one night. My mother went to a late night shift for work and my father had invited his friends over to watch a soccer match that was going on the TV.

They were having some beer and pizza so I stayed inside my bedroom. I wasn't exactly scared, my father always drank but mostly kept it moderate.

It wasn't until I heard his shouts was it that I knew this night wasn't going to end well. Tanya brought Mira into my room and all three of us had just cuddled into each other listening to the drunken shouting down stairs.

I remember Mira staring at me with her scared brown eyes, whimpering softly into my shoulder. It wasn't long before she had drained all energy out of herself and slept, cradled in me and Tanya's arms.

I knew I couldn't just stay here telling myself everything was going to be okay. I remember thinking, what if Tanya or Mira got hurt? I knew my father wouldn't dare hurt them, but he was drunk. He was only a bit human. And, plus his friends probably didn't even care who they hurt.

So, I rested Mira's 5-year-old head onto a pillow before going downstairs to see what was happening.

I don't remember exactly how it looked like. But I remember darkness. The glint of broken glass. A scatter of furniture and rubbish. Everything was tinted red. Blood.
And right in the middle of the mess, a man. My father, or at least a bit of him, blood smeared across his arms and hands. He held a belt and I remember a frightening grin tugging at his face. He wasn't the man I remember him as. He was barbaric.
I tried defending myself. But he belted me like it was the only thing he lived for.
I never knew why he belted me but the last thing I remember was his blood red eyes glaring down at me before I blacked out.

That's when I woke up, screaming and sweating at the memory in a heap of blankets and pillows in nothing but my bedroom. Just like every other night.

Just like every other night after I cut my wrists.

***

"Hey, man, I've been holding this in for too long but I heard Isla gotcha back," Noah said, grinning as we sat at the back of Math class, pretending to write notes.

"Yeah, I heard she lied to your parents saying you're gay or something," Jacob adds, him too grinning.

I frown, my eyes flickering between them two, "you guys are going to help me get her back, right?"

"I'm glad you asked," Noah chuckles, flicking his pen between his fingers. "I've got a plan. At exactly 6 minutes and 42 seconds past 11, Isla and Jenny walks through the hallway to get to the quiet area near the front. So, Jacob over here will 'accidentally' shove Isla in the shoulder while holding his lunch making her drop her books. This will most likely lead to her calling him an idiotic asshole before bending down to pick her stuff up. Then boom, Jacob smacks her in the back with his pasta and she is an artwork of food. And may I add probably in a state of absolute anger so Jacob, you better run like a madman."

I laugh, nodding my head at the idea before looking at Jacob who was blushing so red he almost resembled a tomato. Jacob had had a crush on Noah for the past two years although, he doesn't like talking about it. Once he had drunk a little too much booze at my place and told me and Noah all about his irresistible love for Noah. Noah was absolutely dumbfound but, since he didn't return those feelings he tried to avoid talking about it and just continuing their relationship as best friends.

Although, I did know who Noah had feelings for... "Jenny, hay? Why do you act like a complete ass hat to her when you want her to like you back?"

"Shut up, Hayes! It's a habit when I get nervous - my asshole self turns on."

"So, you're basically always nervous?" I ask, smirking.

He sticks his tongue out and goes back to working out some sort of math question I didn't understand. Nerd.

***

The prank turned out just how it was planned. Jacob splat his ricotta smack bang onto her head, his eyes growing tears of laughter.

"Revenge is sweet. Payback makes it better," he had said, exactly how I told him to before he ran back to me and Noah at our lunch table.

I peered over the heads of the other students to see Isla fuming, her hands in fists beside her and her head down in embarrassment. Jenny was awkwardly brushing some pasta sauce that landed on her arm off before taking the lunch plate off her best friend's head, guiding her to the girls bathroom and trying to ignore the confused faces staring at them.

"Good one, boys," I smirk, fist bumping Jacob then Noah.

"So...now what?" Noah asks, clearly in the mood to do something.

Silence follows, and I stare, disappointed at my food.

"We eat some delicious ricotta of course," I say, trying to sound excited.

Jacob crosses his arms over his chest, glaring. "You made me do this 'cause you didn't want to sacrifice your food! I hate you two!"

"Lies. You may hate me...but, Noah?" I chuckle and he turned a weird shade of blue.

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