His Angel (Jelena) {VERY SLOW UPDATES}

Chapter I

~Chapter I: Dreams~

As soon as I walked into my room, the first thing I did was to throw myself onto my bed and start thinking. Thinking about him, like I always did. All I could think about was him, him, him. His smile, his face, his voice, his laughter, his jokes, his walk. Him, and only him. Just solely him.

I slowly sat up and took my journal out of my drawer that was next to my bed. It had a matte black cover with small white daisies which I had drawn on it. It was my mom's gift to me, she told me she had one when she was young, and she told me she wrote down everything that she couldn't tell anyone in her journal. I wrote many things in here, with it mostly being about him. I never started my journal with, "Dear journal/diary", it was just whatever came to my mind. I often wrote lyrics in here. Lyrics that expressed my thoughts, my feelings and my love for him. Lyrics that described how he made me feel when I saw him, or how he made me feel when I saw him with another girl.

I touched the cover of my journal. It kept so many memories, so many laughter and tears, so much joy and sorrow. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, it had been a tiring day. I picked up my black pen, and opened my journal to a brand new page, today I didn't want to write lyrics, I just wanted to write. Lately, I wasn't able to get creative and write lyrics about him, and it just made everything harder for me. I took another deep breath as if I wanted to get courage. As if I wanted to feel brave. So I started writing down;

I still don't understand. How can he make me feel this way? How can my feelings be so strong for a boy that I barely had a real conversation with? Before him, I never believed the girls that always talked about how a guy gave them butterflies in their stomachs and made their hearts beat so fast. But now I knew it was real. This feeling... It was so different. It was... Unexplainable. 

Every time I saw that smile on his face, it was as if he took my breath away. He made my heart race so fast that it felt as if it was about to rip out of my chest. Let alone butterflies, it felt like all the animals in the world were just jumping around in my stomach when I saw his face and smile. And every night, all I could think about was being by his side and having his arms wrapped around my waist while I put my head on his chest, and listened to his heart as his chest went up and down as he was breathing.

But I knew it would never happen.

I knew that all this would only happen in my tiny world of dreams. I knew that he was the one I wanted, but I also knew he wanted another girl. I've heard it in class too many times now not to believe it. I was here, waiting for him and he was out there craving someone else. It hurt. It really did hurt, and there was nothing that could make me forget about him and ease the pain. There was nothing that I could do to take him out of my mind for a minute, there was absolutely no minute that I didn't think about him, no minute that his beautiful face could escape out of my mind. I just couldn't stop imagining loving him, and him loving me.

And that's what hurt the most. The only place and time he'd ever love me and be mine were my dreams, and dreams weren't meant to become true. That's what made dreams, "dreams"...

After I finished writing down my thoughts, I closed my journal and put it and my black pen back into the drawer by my bed. 

-"Selena, are you home?" I turned my head to the door after hearing my name being called by my mom. 

-"Yes! I'm in my room, one second I'm just changing!" I replied back to her. I got up out of my bed and put my black sweat pants and my gray t-shirt on which was big on me. I liked to be comfortable at home. Since I had a scrunchie on my wrist, I decided to put my hair in a ponytail.