Girl Almighty (Sequel to Little Things)

Chapter 3

   CARRIE'S POV

   I was going to have to tell him soon. Very soon. A few more weeks had gone by, and I was starting to show - just a little bit. But, it was something. It was a warning that I was running out of time to figure out how I was going to go about telling him. 

   Should I tell Niall first, or tell them all together at the same time? Or should I just write them a note and get the hell out of here and not bother them with this at all? It was a decision that I was going to have to make - I just wasn't sure how to make that kind of decision. Either way, I was sure the outcome wouldn't be pleasant. Either way, I knew that they were going to be incredibly pissed at me, and I wasn't sure I could handle that. 

   But, I was going to have to, because it was going to happen soon. Eventually one or all of them would notice, and come to the conclusion on their own, and I would really rather tell them myself before they figured it out on their own. 

   I had decided that I was going to tell them tonight. Just get it over with. Originally, I had thought I would tell Niall first and then the others, but I figured it would be best to just tell them all at the same time. I couldn't go through this more than once. I was so, so scared. Part of me wanted them to never come home from the studio today, just so I didn't have to deal with this.

   I was currently sitting up in my bedroom, frantically drawing in my new sketchbook. I didn't really have any idea what exactly I was drawing this time. I was barely paying any attention to what I was doing. My mind was elsewhere - obviously.

   It felt like ages since I had last drawn anything even though in reality, it had only been a few days or so. I looked down at what I had been absentmindedly drawing while my thoughts were wandering. What had started out as just a pair of eyes had turned into a sketch of a baby. A baby that looked so pure and so innocent. It was hard to image that something so beautiful could cause me so much pain, anxiety and heartbreak. And yet I knew with all my heart that I loved this baby more than anything in the world. Surely Niall and the rest of the guys would be able to understand that. Surely they would love and care for this baby just as much as I did. Surely everything would work out okay.

   And yet, even as I repeated this mantra in my head, I found it hard to believe that everything would be okay. I had no idea how they would react when - if - I told them. This was all my fault anyways. If I had just tried a little bit harder to fight Trey off. I could have tried harder. But I  was so scared. I was afraid that he might actually kill me if I fought back. I was scared of dying. Maybe if I wasn't so busy being so scared, I could have changed everything. Maybe I wouldn't have been raped. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe this and maybe that. It didn't change anything. I was still here in this moment. And I was still pregnant. Nothing was going to change that. Now it was just up to me to figure out what I was going to do about it. How I was going to handle this. What kind of mom I was going to be to this child. To this innocent little baby.

   My head snapped up as I heard the front door alarm go off as someone opened and closed the door. My heart started pounding when I looked at the time and realized that it was too early for the guys to be getting home from the recording studio. What if somehow Trey had gotten out of jail and had come after me again. What if those were his footsteps I now heard padding up the stairs?

   I quickly slipped off my bed and looked around my bedroom for something to defend myself with. I was not going to let that bastard ever hurt me again. Never again. Gazing around my room in a panic my eyes snapped to rest on the flashlight on my nightstand. That would have to do. Maybe if I hit him hard enough, it would give me a chance to get away. get somewhere safe where I could call the guys.

    I lunged for the flashlight and ran to hide behind my door. There was no point in me trying to hold the door closed. There was no lock on the door and I wasn't strong enough to hold it closed if Trey tried to get in. The guy was almost twice my size! 

   So, with my heart pounding, I waited with bated breath behind my door, as I heard the footsteps crest the staircase and start heading towards my bedroom. I fought the urge to start crying in fear. Not this time, Carrie, not this time. So as his hand touched my door and started to push it open, I jumped out from behind the door flashlight in hand and swung with all my might, waiting for the crack of the flashlight against his skull.

   But that crack never came. Instead I watched in horror as the flashlight smacked into the outstretched hand of none other than Niall. It wasn't Trey that I had just tried to bean in the head with a flashlight - it was Niall! 

   I gasped and dropped the flashlight, my hands rising to my face as I realized what I had just done. 

   "Oh my God, babe, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I sw- , " he cut me off with a hug, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. His hand went to rest on my hair, stroking it, as he tried to sooth my freaked out rambling.

   "It's okay hun. I know you must still be on edge what with everything that happened with your dad and Trey," he whispered. I flinched when he said Trey's name, hating the way it sounded on his lips. Hating the sound of his name at all. I wished I would never have to hear his name ever again.

   "I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry," I mumbled, as my voice thickened as tears started to roll down my cheeks. Those seemed to be the only words in my vocabulary at the moment. I could have seriously hurt him. All because as soon as that door had opened, my mind had concocted the worse possible scenario and convinced me that it must be true. That Trey must have gotten out of jail and gotten all the way from the US to here in London. I mean, how freaking stupid could I be?! God! What was wrong with me?!

    Niall guided me to my bed and we sat down, his arms still tightly wrapped around me. I hoped he would always hold me like this. With so much warmth and love. I hoped nothing would ever change that. I prayed that nothing would ever change that. Niall gently pushed me back, away from him, though his hands still rested on my shoulders.

   "Carrie, are you okay? Because we can get you someone to talk to, if you need us to. I know we've talked about this before and you said you were fine, but I really think we should rethink this a little bit. The psychologist who saw you in the hospital after all of that happened" - I noticed gratefully that he refrained from saying that monster's name - " said that it was possible that you may have PTSD. We can get you help, babe,"  he whispered, an uncharacteristically serious look on his sweet face. 

   But, I was already shaking my head as the words spilled out of his mouth. "I don't need it, Niall. I'm fine, I swear," I responded. I had had it beat into my head over and over as a kid that people who actually talked to psychologists were weak and feeble-minded. My dad had made sure to tell me that all the time, in case I ever tried to tell someone what was going on. That was an extremely hard mind set to break, even though a small part of me knew that I needed help. But, I wasn't ready for that yet. I didn't know how I could even begin to start talking to someone else about my problems. 

   I shook the thoughts out of my head as I spoke to Niall, determined that I would be right. " I promise I'm okay, babe. I just got a little scared is all. No big deal, okay?" I said, desperate to be done with this conversation. 

   "Okay, okay, " he said, " it's okay Carebear, it's okay." He hugged me again and then stood up, pulling me back to my feet, a grin on his face again. 

   "We got done at the recording studio early so we thought we'd grab some pizza on the way home. Aaand I had just enough time to swap Liam's soda for soy sauce so let's go watch the fun, shall we?" He said laughing as he led me out of the room and down the stairs. 

   Maybe now was the right time to tell them about me being pregnant. Everyone was in such a good mood, so maybe I could do this. Maybe. Hopefully.

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Sorry for not updating for over 2 years everyone! I can't even begin to explain everything that's happened in these past 2 years. Almost worthy of a story, but that's for another time. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what y'all think!