Broken Hearts

Chapter Two

I walk around my room trying to find a bathing suit that doesn't look completely horrible on me. My mind keeps drifting back to Riley. It was a while ago I know, but seriously, it was a big deal.

Years ago, in elementary school, Riley, Auva and I were all really good friends. Although Auva and I were a bit closer Riley routinely hung out with us as well. She was a great person, really, she used to be a great friend... but that year it all changed. A month or two before Riley actually did anything we both saw something horrible at Auva's house. We were sleeping over at her house, and for the first time, her dad wasn't home for most of the night. Her mom didn't say why, and we decided it was best not to ask. But then, around eleven, her dad burst through the door. It seemed that he had drunk a little too much and... well he had to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. The morning after I remember very little. It was a long night, and the whole time I remember my exhaustion pulling on me so hard I just wanted to fall over and sleep forever. But I also remember denying it, for Auva. What I couldn't remember I was filled in on later.

Auva's dad had been drinking the night before with some of his coworkers. He had fought with drinking problems in the past, a while before Auva was born, but it was a long time ago and it seemed he thought he was over. That night it was evident he was not. After getting well over the legal alcohol limit for driving, he promptly sped home and ran over Auva's mailbox in the front yard. I heard the police telling her mom later that he was lucky he was close to the house. A few more miles and he would've probably died, or killed someone else. That's when he came bursting in the house, efficiently traumatizing the three of us (not including Auva's mom, who had pretty much come accustom to this before Auva had come along). Mrs. Miller (Auva's mom) had to get the three of us girls and a very drunk Mr. Miller into the car and to the emergency room in a timely manner. I really envy her courage and strength. I know for a fact if it was me in her shoes I would have broken down immediately. I honestly don't know what I would've done. She didn't even shed a tear until her husband was taken back to wait for a doctor. We weren't supposed to go back there so she had to stay in the waiting room with us. I remember she just put her head in her hands and took great gasps of air. I knew she was crying.

She just... sat there like that for a few minutes- a shattered piece of the woman she was earlier. After a while she gained her famous composure and began calling people. First was Riley's parents. She told them the whole story and her voice didn't even break once. She made plans for her pick up then promptly hung up and sighed deeply. Mrs. Miller told Riley that her dad would be at the hospital in forty-five minutes, and Riley, who would usually complain and carry on simply nodded, knowing that this was just not the time to pick a fight. Honestly, I think she was relived to get to leave. It was all just too much.

Once Riley was back with her parents Auva's mom tried to call my parents... multiple times. I was staying with Auva because my parents were traveling, so after a few more tries Mrs. Miller gave up on contacting them. She said that they probably couldn't come get me anyway, and that it was fine for me to stay. I didn't really want to stay. Looking in on someone's grief hurts almost as much as having your own because you have to watch them suffer through their own pain. As close as I was to Auva and her mom at the time just made that worse.

Even though I did sorta want to leave, I decided I couldn't. Somewhere in my brain something clicked and I decisively decided that even if my parents came all the way here to get me I would scream, cry, and do anything else within my power to stop it. Why? Why in the world would I want to stay in the compressing gray walls of a waiting room loaded with broken souls? For her. For Auva. Ever since we had come to the hospital tears had been rolling in waves down her face. Every once in a while she had started sobbing. Her mom was trying so hard to keep everything organized and under control that she barely noticed her daughter crying. True, she did hug and comfort her a few times but her pain was deep as well and she had to be the adult in the situation. Auva just looked so... alone. Thus I was there for her. I tried my best to shelter her from the storm... and it was hard. I was fighting off tears as well considering how well I knew Auva's whole family, including her dad, and it's rather hard to protect someone from tears you're hiding from yourself. But never the less I wrapped my arms around her all night, trying to force her to feel protected, and all night I forced myself to not cry, to stay awake and hold her out of her fears.

That was one of the first nights I felt that love I do know every time she speaks. Oh elementary school... it feels a life time away. So many things have changed, especially because of what happened a while after that night with Auva.

Months went by fast after that. I still went over to Auva's quite consistently like I always had... the only thing that was different was her dad. After the night in the hospital that same event occurred again. And again. And again. Then Auva's mom and Auva's dad would start fighting. Her dad lost a lot of his hair and whenever I looked into Auva's eyes, even when she was laughing, I saw a bitter cold residing there. I knew from the begging it did not belong there, but no matter how I tried it stayed resilient- hard as ever. Looking into her eyes sometimes hurt me. I knew something was wrong, heck, I had seen what was wrong. Her dad would make a promise we all knew he couldn't keep, he'd break that promise, and him and Auva's mom would have screaming matches in their living room. It had happened multiple times while I was over there- Auva would start crying and I would pull her under her bed with me and she would cry into my arms until her parents stopped, and often longer.

One time Riley was there when it happened again. Auva's dad was supposed to be getting groceries and instead went out someplace and got drunk. This time the police had to bring him home. It was bad. Once they left Auva's mom starting screaming and crying. From the moment the police had knocked on the door we had went up to Auva's room and sat around trying to block it all out. I remember seeing fear in her eyes the whole time, even if she was trying to look fine. When her mom starting screaming, as usual, Auva started crying. I would usually hold her under the bed while she cried, but I wasn't sure what to do because Riley was there. My eyes went wide and I swallowed the lump in my throat. I still held Auva but we stayed out in the empty space of her room because Riley probably wouldn't fit under the bed and wouldn't have understood what we were doing anyway.

I sat there holding Auva in our usual ritual and Riley just sat there, wide eyes filling with increasing fear. I didn't know what to do- I tried catching her eye to consult her but every time I got close she deliberately looked away. The night seemed to last forever and the morning after we were all more than happy to go home to our own families. Except Auva. She didn't say anything- she never did- but I could tell, she didn't want us, didn't want me, to leave. It just meant being alone again.

A week later Auva came to my house and slept over. We often had sleepovers with just us, and we had both assumed Riley knew full well we did and didn't care. She didn't though. And that was the day she found out we hung out without her. A lot. We didn't mean to hurt her, at all, we just thought she wanted time to herself and, honestly, we wanted some time with just us. Especially since everything that happened with Auva's dad. Evidently she somehow found out Auva was staying over at my place that night (we probably mentioned it) and she got super mad at both of us. We tried to reason with her and kept telling her she could come but she just kept getting madder and eventually ignored us entirely. We tried our best not to think about it but I ended up crying a bit. I felt horrible. I don't anymore though. At all.

That Monday Auva and I both were a little afraid of what awaited us at school. All morning Riley ignored us, especially when we tried to talk to her. Then it happened. At lunch we were lining up to go back into our classrooms (elementary style) and Auva and I were talking about stuff we saw in some videos we had watched that weekend. Riley was a few people away and definitely heard everything we said. Auva and I had just started forgetting about the whole thing with Riley and must have let our guard down a bit.

The teachers had finally gotten everyone to be quietly when Riley decided she had heard enough. Just as the first kids in the line started leaving the cafeteria Riley stepped forward and yelled as loud as she possibly could to the crowd at large, "Riley's dad keeps getting super drunk and her mom hates his guts!!! He keeps screwing up everything!! They're probably gonna get a frickin divorce and it'll be all Auva's fault." I felt Auva collapse on the ground beside me. Riley continued, "And she deserves it for being such a horrible person to her best friend!!" Her glare at that moment could have brought entire civilizations crumbling to the ground, and I could tell she meant every. Single. Word.

The rest of the day was a giant blur to me. I just barely remember teachers swooping down on Riley and taking her away. I remember Auva being a heap of herself just moments before laying on the ground sobbing and yelling uncontrollably. I remember teachers getting everyone out including me. I didn't let them... I laid on the ground with Auva and held her tighter than I ever had. If there was ever a time she really needed me it was then.

Two months later Auva's dad moved away to Utah.