My Story

Depression & Expression

I sit here after "talking" with my husband. The reason I put it that way is because we are having an issue with my issues. It is an on going problem that we can't do anything about. I have been trying to figure out how to fix things make him and myself and my boys happy and I don't see it happening. 

As all of you know I have fibromyalgia and a huge amount of other issues. The fibro being the main source of my problems at home and the main reason why I don't work along with my back. I am supposed to be doing hydrotherapy, massage therapy, and probably mental therapy as well. Unfortunately I am not doing that due to financial reasons. The government doesn't see fit to help us in any way with that because I an not sick enough. I am at my wits end. 

I am feeling like I am worthless. I can't do all the things that I am supposed to do as a mother and a wife. These are my usual things to do laundry, shopping, cleaning the the house with help from the family of course, and putting together my husbands and my pills and vitamins for the week, and pay the bills. Yes, to some it seems like a lot, but I used to do this and do a full time job and have two young boys to raise and other responsibilities too. So this should be a breeze. Not so much.

It has all fallen back on my husband and he works 50+ hours a week.  He married the woman that worked 50+ hours a week as well. Handled lots of responsibilities and even ran a business, a household, kept pets and people in line and still had time for him at the end of the day. Now I can barely keep my eyes open sometimes for 6 hours at a stretch during the day. I used to be organized too which I still am if I can keep my eyes open long enough to do that. 

Last but not least I am now having issues with my memory. It used to be just words and things, but now I need to write myself notes to remind  on just about everything. To do lists on which stores have what stuff I need, what order I need to go in to shop so I don't get confused, things like that. I also feel more comfortable when I take my youngest son with me to the store. He helps keep me, I don't know, on track I guess. I think I'm starting to get a bit agoraphobic. I am starting to hate leaving home, but neither of my sons have their drivers license yet and they need me to drive them to and from school yet. Hopefully that will change very soon because I don't know how long I will be able to drive. Lately riding has been in my better interest than driving. Not due to my meds though cause I keep them light when driving.

Hope I didn't bore anybody to death. I needed to get this out. I was crying so upset. Until next time!

BTW, I feel a bit better. :-)