* readers pov *
"Wow I can't believe that shrek and I exchanged numbers!" You thought as you stroked your pet turkass titler. You've always shipped titler so naming your pet turkass after their ship name was no big deal. You just thought of the way shrek called you love.... You started blushing again. "Y/n calm yourself!" You thought. He probably calls everyone love anyways. So you walk to the kitchen and make yourself a sandwich with chunks of swt swt turkass in it... "Ha ha sorry titler" you tell your pet as you eat his swt swt family chunks. You decide to call your friends to tell them what happened... But the you realize that you don't have friends so you cry and watch YouTube videos. Suddenly your phone starts ringing.
" OH MY GOD FOR THE LAST TIME I DONT WANT TO BUY YOUR GOD DAMN MEAT SACKS" you yell into the phone. "Oh well I'm sorry you feel that way but I don't want to sell you meat sacks" you hear shrek say. "Sh-shrek?!" You say. "Oh my god I'm so sorry I thought you were someone else." "It's fine love" he says. You blush again. "I was just calling to see if you maybe wanted to go out with me sometime." He asks. "Oh my god of course!" You say excitedly. "Okay well than see you later today love" he says. You dance around your room excitedly. "I HAVE A DATE WITH MY SWEET DADDY" you scream. " Y/N SHUT UP I HAVE A CLIENT YOU FILTHY PEASANT!" Your mom Aqua yells. "OKAY MOM GOD BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE A GOD DAMN PROSTITUTE AT HOME!" You yell back. "SHUT UP THIS MANS GOT A NICE SWEET SWEET ASS!" Your mom yells. "Ugh" you say. So you start getting ready for your date with shrek.
~ a/n ~
To whoever wanted this.
