"Shit!" You yell as you rush to finish getting ready for your date with Shrek. You decide on something casual. "Geez I guess it'll have to do." You sigh. " Y/N, THERES A MAN AT THE DOOR FOR YOU AND HE'S HORNY" you hear your mom yell. "GOD IM COMING." You run down the stairs as fast as your feet can manage. That's when you see him. Dressed casually, eyes bright, and lips plump. He's the most amazing thing you've ever layed eyes on, and you're going on a date with him. It seemed almost too good to be true. "Well, love we best be on our way" he says with a smirk. "U-um yeah. See you later mom!" You say. "DONT RISK IT WRAP YOUR BISCUIT" you hear your mom yell faintly from inside the house. Just when you thought the day couldn't get better... Shrek grabs your hand. You tense a bit, because holy shit you were actually holding hands with your idol... Your daddy. Now apparently you accidentally called him your daddy out loud because you can practically feel his smirk in the air. "Wow y/n, I didn't think you'd be so spicy! Luckily for you we're just outside of my apartment" he says huskily. You shudder. This couldn't actually be happening... It's too good to be true.
*timeskip to shrek's room*
He fishes out a pickle wrap from his drawer. "Love are you sure you want this?" He asks tenderly. "Yes! I l-love you. Or rather I always have loved you, so I've dreamt of this countless times" you blush. Before you know it your clothes is in a pile on the floor and Shrek is pumping his spicy meat rod into you. You sound like a dying goose but Shrek likes it. "CHOKE ME DADDY!" You yell. He does and it's amazing. Seeing his sweaty face above you as he conquers your body really gets you going. Soon enough he's spewing Onion Juice everywhere, but you like it. His breathing settles back to normal and before you fall asleep you hear him faintly whisper " well love, it is the season of giving... Giving thIS D!" You only have enough energy to reply with a smol "aye lmao" before you both fall into a peaceful sleep.
-a/n- I want to die
