I hate the strong smell of anestheptics and the cold breeze brushing against my bare skin. My teeth chatter slightly as each minute passes, the anticipation causing a slight ache in my chest. I think of school, the place I once despised, I haven't been there in two months. I wonder if news about me spread around Lakeville High yet?
Who am i kidding, of course it has. Atleast I will not be attending there anymore. I don't think i can deal with the sympathetic looks and questioning stares I would receive. I was once invisible, ordinary, and unimportant. I could go under the radar and enjoy company with my introvert self, reading.
But now, well now, I am no longer Saudade Viraag, the girl nobody knew about, now I am Saudad Viraag, the girl who grew up with maniac father who conducted secret researches on me without my knowing.
That's right, apparently he filled my head with the thought that my "mother" was still alive. If that isn't great enough, he died two months ago, we were on our way back from the library when a vehicle came into the wrong lane. He was killed instantly, while i was that "lucky girl" that walked away with only a few broken bones.
Yeah lucky, like my father dying and me apparently thinking my mom was still alive because my lunatic dad told me so since i was little makes me lucky! They say i have a mental problems and that my dad, Louis Levi, was the cause of it. To top it all off I was adopted.
Apparently the woman, that was never there, was Louis Levi's wife that died while pregnant and to fill the void he adopted baby me. In attempt to somehow bring her back to him, he forced my mind into believing i could see, hear, and feel her. Of course she was always "too sick" to come into public with us.
Now im stuck in this hospital awaiting my release. Therapist and doctors have been pumping my head with ways to control my own mind and pumping my body with drugs to control these false hallucinations. I may be able to leave today, but I have already been adopted by a new family. Apparently my headline story caused me to become more valuable than other orphans aged 17.
I have been meeting with the mother of my new family, she comes almost daily, bringing me pictures of her small family and information about them. She has a disable son, so she feels she can relate to me better. Like she can relate in any way to someone that science doesn't even understand.
I should grateful because she is agreeing to allow me to visit my dad's grave. People probably think I'm insane for still caring about him but he loved me like a daughter. I guess i was just the dead daughter he wanted but i loved him as a father, because i thought he was and i can't just stop loving someone i care about. Yeah i am upset he lied and corrupted my mind but i still love him and grieve over the only person i ever trusted and knew.
I silently wait for my small bedside clock to show the numbers 6:00 p.m. The time Nova Vida and the rest of my new family will come to meet me and possibly take me "home".
5:58 p.m.
Come on almost there.
I fiddle with my hands. Rubbing my sweaty palms on the jeans i was given by the hospital along with this plan white t-shirt that exsposes my arms and white shoes. The cold hospital room leaves goose bumps on my skin.
5:59 p.m.
Almost there. Wait I'm not ready. Can i cancel?
My chest starts to beat faster and my mind drifts from the coldness of the room focusing on the heat of nervousness that floods my body.
6:00 p.m.
Oh my God. This is it. A new family, a new start.
I watch the white door anxiously, as if even blinking once I will miss them. I hold my breath anticipating the moment. Where are they? Do they not want me anymore? Will i be placed in a mental institute like I originally was suppose to before, Nova, a well-known physiatrist from California agreed to adopting me.
6:01 p.m.
Yep, it's official, I'm a lost cause. Nobody will ever want me, i will grow up loveless. Nobody will care when i die or when
The door begins to open, turning me out of my thoughts. I watch as my doctor walks towards me with a man right behind him.
"She is right here," Dr. Hue tells him.
They both look in my direction and my cheeks heat up from the attention.
"Saudade, this is Amar, he will be taking you too your new house." Dr. Hue states.
I start to panic.
"Where is Nova" I ask trying to hide my anxiety.
"She had an urgent emergency with one of her clients while on her way and Amar was in town so he offered to bring you home," Dr. Hue explained.
Amar stays quiet, lost in thought, as if he is studying me, trying to figure me out. His eyes wander around my small room of two months, searching for any sign of personality. His dark hair curls slightly over his forehead and he is dressed in a business attire.
"Well you're free to go," Dr. Hue says pulling us both out of our trance,"I expect you back in a month, Saudade."
I nod then follow Amar out as Dr. Hue points towards the door. We walk in silence down the narrow hallway until we come unto the lobby.
"You have to sign out." Amars deep voice says pulling me out of my trance. I make my way to the elder secretary and sign my name on the small clipboard she placed out the little window.
"See you next month sweetie," she says with a smile. I give her a small smile then walk back towards Amar who is at the exit waiting for me. Once I reach him I realize his broad build, and tall height compared to my petite figure and average frame.
We approach his black large truck and he opens the passenger door for me. He helps me step in and I stay silent as I watch him go around. He opens the door and gets in the driver's seat.
"Saudade?" His husky voice questions.
"Yes?" I ask weary.
"You're not prepared for this ride." He says.
