Chapter 19

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Sophie's POV:

I wake up to a strange noise right next to my ear. I slowly turn my head and see Louis sleeping beside me with his arm loosely around me. I can't help but giggle quietly at his snoring. Two seconds later, yesterdays events come crashing down. I quickly look at the alarm clock next to my bed and sees that it's only seven a.m. I slowly crawl out of bed, making sure I don't wake up Louis and make my way to the bathroom, still holding my sketchbook I fell asleep with last night.

As I think about what the boys did I can feel myself tear up again and I know I can't cry in here, Louis might wake up. I get dressed and tiptoes down to the first floor where the paint-room is. As soon as I've closed the door behind me the tears come streaming down my face. I lean against the wall and tries to focus on my breathing, I don't want another anxiety attack. I slide down the wall and curls up into a ball and replays what has happened in my head.

How could they do this? I thought they were different... I thought that I for once had found a family where I could be safe and happy. They forcibly read my diary... My deepest, most personal thoughts are in that book. My whole life is in that book. And now they know everything. They know about my brother, they know what the other "families" did to me, they know when my own mother turned against me and joined my father in his sick, twisted games.

The worst part is that I was actually starting to feel happy with the boys. I trusted them, they made me feel safe and loved. And know that is all gone... How can I ever trust them again? If they can do something like this.. they can do anything. Even though my head is telling me all this and that I should run away again, my heart does not agree. Deep down I have this feeling that I can still trust them. I don't want to lose what we had, it felt like we were a family. But... What if they don't want me anymore? Now when they know everything they might feel like I'm too much, I'm too damaged and they don't have time for that, they have their own busy life.

I jump high when I suddenly hear a knock on the door. I haven't been able to stop my tears yet so I desperately try to wipe them away but it doesn't do much. I don't feel like talking to any of the boys yet, and quite frankly, I'm too scared to see the look on their faces when they look at me. Instead of opening the door, I pull my legs closer to my chest and keeps my head down, leaning my forehead against my knees. There's another knock and now I can hear Louis's voice.

"Sophie?" he asks worriedly.

When he doesn't get any reply I can hear him open the door and take two steps inside.

"I thought you might be in here" he mumbles and slowly walks up to me.

I have no idea what's going to happen so I tense my body and hold my breath. He sits down, about one meter away from me but doesn't say anything. We sit in silence for quite some time, the only sound you can hear is my crying and gasping for air.

"I'm sorry" he suddenly says.

He continues when I don't show any sign of answering him.

"I'm so sorry baby," he says and I can feel his eyes on me, "we only did it so we can understand and help you better"

His excuses only feed the anger I have inside of me. How dare he try to justify what they did? While Louis continues with his apologies I'm trying hard to not explode in anger.

"Please sweetie, please forgive us" he pleads and places his right hand on my back.

He shouldn't have done that though, because that was like a trigger for me. I quickly stand up and turn towards him, breathing heavily.

"Forgive you? You did the one thing I asked you not to!" I yell.

I no longer care about what the consequences will be, I have to get this out.

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