Of Postcards And Love

Sometimes Michael is awfully good at convincing himself that what happened to him was meant to happen. Like, it's the will of fate or something similar. Michael can't escape from fate, from what fate had in store and written for him. Michael stopped believing in coincidences almost five years ago, when too many incomprehensible events and weird signs started to direct at him just as if he was bound to be led into someone by a bigger and more powerful someone else. In Michael's opinion now everything happens for a reason and a higher purpose.

Michael was on the edge of a cliff: he didn't know if jumping off would save him, contrary to common sense, or if the rough sea beneath him would drown his lungs until death and send him straight to God knocking on heaven's door.

The only fact Michael was completely sure of and which he needed to find a solution for was that he couldn't keep living like that anymore, hidden and trembling behind his best friend's back with shaking hands and legs, waiting for a miracle to get him out of the situation whenever that special someone would pass by them and greet Calum silently, waving a hand in the air. Michael would pray God that Calum hid him as usual and the boy, knowing Michael better than anyone else at school, did it perfectly because he hadn't any other choice. Michael would die, otherwise, of heart attack. And Calum didn't want to see his best friend dying in front of him due to heart attack. He's too young to die for love.

Michael had been risking dying of heart attack or, better, palpitations almost every day except summer days and holidays. He'd been in danger for years but he's still alive anyway and Michael's happy with that, glad that his heart is strong and brave and functioning as any other human being's.

After final exams and graduation knocked at Michael's door, the boy couldn't really be more grateful to God or whatever deity lives above them. He'd been studying all day and all night long, coffee on his side and the light of the lamp always on. The results of his exams were pretty amazing.

Michael thinks of the benefits graduation has given him. One, he's going to college and leave behind high school and all the old, dull inconvenient memories related to it: no more stupid subjects such as Philosophy, Greek and Latin, Literature and shit. No more alarm clock at half past six in the morning from Monday to Saturday, no more irritating old teachers and grades to be worried about.

Two, he's going to enjoy this summer an awful lot more than all the previous summers put together; besides he'd like to find a job and save money for future plans and projects. He's going to spend some peaceful time at home and with friends he hasn't seen in forever, going to the beach and avoiding sunrays accurately. No need to worry about homeworks, test and all that shit. Completely free to dedicate himself to what he loves.

And three, last but not least, his crush. He's not going to see him ever again after July. They'll move in two unknown, distant different cities and never meet again. Michael feels sad and depressed already. Things need to go this way. Michael's on the edge of a cliff, as aforementioned.

****

Michael wonders if meeting Luke was worth the pain and the years spent pining over him without ever telling him. Luke seemed unreachable. He met Luke in high school, first month, first year. He doesn't remember the day exactly, too much time has rolled in, anyway Michael is pretty certain that it was mid-October because leaves were falling off the trees swaying gently in the warm air and covering up the streets like snow, leaving the branches bare and lifeless, ready to sleep for months. Michael finds something extremely attractive in the leaves' free falling. Michael recalls every second of that day, the day that changed his life and he can't be forgetful of.