Aborted

One

I do not have a name. I was an aborted baby, that's right I am dead. I do not have a birthday, but it has been sixteen years since the abortion. My body does change just as yours does, but in different ways. I am clothed, I am in a white dress that changes with my body, I am barefoot though. My hair is long and blonde and my eyes are as green as the grass that is seeded into the ground. I am on Earth just as you are, but you cannot see me nor can you hear or feel me. I watch the people day to night. I cannot enter Heaven until I have found myself, at least that is what I was told by my guardian angel. That one sentence has confused me to a point of desperation. I do not remember whom my mother is although I have searched for her. I want to find her, maybe she can help me find myself. Maybe once I know why I was given up I could be an angel.

A teenage boy sits on the edge of the wooden bench, watching his younger sister push another little girl on a swing. I watch as his smiles. His blue eyes flick toward me and for a small second I believe he sees me, but it is impossible. I've tried so many times to be noticed by the living. The only ones who have noticed me are those that are also deceased and a select number of people. Those few people are bombarded with so many spirits that I've never attempted to speak with one. I turn to walk out of the park, but I see Daniel. "Hey girl, how are you?" Daniel says walking toward me. "Depressed." I say, attempted to kick around the dirt. "Aren't we all?" He replies dryly. "I saw my wife again today. I've been watching her." He says. Daniel is an old man, he has grey hair and a big belly. His brown eyes always appear sad and I feel bad for him. He is dressed in a white shirt and kakis. He died while serving in the military. He came here looking for himself, but still has never found what he's been searching for. "At least you know who your family is." I mumble under my breath, but Daniel picks his eyebrow up. "Maybe you just have to look a little harder." He says.

He then starts to fade which means he is going to some other place. If you are dead you can transport yourself to different places just by imagining the place. You can also visit distance memories from when you were alive, but I do not have that benefit because I was never alive. I can visit the small time I was in my mother's womb, I can only see the inside of her stomach though. Visiting a memory places you into your old body, but you cannot change any event that occurred. I have always been to scared to visit the day of my abortion. I do not want to feel the pain. I want to see my mother's face but that would be too much to handle in one memory. I have attempted to find her in the small clinics around this town. I was aborted, here, in Creede Colorado. When you die your spirit is lifted to the judging quarters then sent either to heaven, hell, or back where you die. There is a population of 400 people in Creede and I'm sure I have seen them all. This town would have been an okay place to grow up, I guess I did kind of grow up here but with the absence of any family.

I look back and see that the boy that was once sitting on the bench begins to walk towards me. It's as if he is coming to me, but that is impossible, right? He's is getting closer and my thoughts start to run free. Maybe, just maybe, he sees me. He is now standing merely inches away from me and he stops. His face is right in front of me and he just looks at me. I open my mouth to speak, but I am at loss of words. I then hear a voice behind me, "Hey man, I didn't know which park you were at." A voice behind me says. The boy from the bench smiles and replies, "John, there is only two parks around Creede." He then looks at me, smiles and says, "Excuse me." He walks around me to meet his friend, who is busy talking about how this park is not as great as the other one. Did he really just tell me excuse me? That must mean he can see me! I look around, nobody else could have been in his way.

My head begins to spin and I can't help but smile huge. He sees me, a person, a live person sees me. I watch him as he walks to the bench he was once placed in. I debate whether or not I should go over there. I've been here around sixteen years, I need this. They are in the middle of a conversation as I approach. "Um, hi." He says, looking up at me. "Hi." I say, looking into his sapphire blue eyes. "Ben, who are you talking too?" John, his friend, asks him. I forgot most of the alive can't see me. Ugh, what was I thinking? "Come on man, stop being rude," he says then looks back at me and continues ", what is your name?" I freeze, how on Earth am I suppose to tell him this? "Dude, stop joking around, I know you're just picking on me for having an imaginary friend when I was little. It's not funny anymore." John says then shakes his head. "Wait, you really can't see her?" Ben asks him in a shocked voice. "Ben it's not funny! Stop!" John says getting frustrated. "John I'm not lying there is a girl standing right here!" He says gesturing at me. "Goddammit Ben. Call me when you grow up." John says then starts to leave.