Words Never Said

Chapter 10: why wasn't i told

-CHAPTER 10-

Everyone watched as the bottle spun on the table and slowly came to a stop. There were relieved faces on everyone but Amber. The bottle had landed on her, everyone glared at her waiting for her to start talking but she didn’t she just sat there motionless, she turned pale and held her hand over her mouth as if to say that she wasn’t going to speak.

“Come on Amber, I’m sure whatever it is can’t be as bad as April” Danny said jokingly. I looked over to him and gave him an angry stare and automatically he looked sorry for his comment. “Too soon?” he said with a faint smile. “You can say whatever is on your mind Amber, we won’t judge and it won’t leave this house, everyone knows it, you can trust us” I reassured her.

(AMBER’S POV)

I looked over the table and I knew that April was right; they won’t judge me or tell everyone but that was the thing. I just knew that the minute I tell them and actually say the words it will finally be real and I will be force to believe it myself and I really didn’t want to believe it. Everything was so perfect a couple months ago, why did it have to change.

I hated keeping it from April, she’s my best friend and I know she deserved to know but every time I came close to telling her I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even though it’s been really hard keeping it from her seeing as how I tell her everything, it was equally as hard telling her. Telling her meant accepting it and she has seem so happy lately I didn’t want to ruin it for her because I knew she would feel as sad as I do and would try to take care of me every second.

I guess now’s the time to tell her and everyone, it’s time for me to accept it and hopefully move on.

I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and relaxed my body. “Ok” I said, not sounding as confident as I hoped. “I don’t even know where to begin” pausing to try to swallow, feeling a lump already forming in my throat. “My secret isn’t like April’s, I didn’t sneak out like a bad ass and kill a bitch” I laughed hoping to lighten the mood just a bit. I hated how uncomfortable I was feeling, especially because these were the people I was most comfortable with. This was proving to be more of a challenge then I thought.

(APRIL’S POV)

I knew Amber was trying to lighten up the mood with that comment but I also knew that she was stalling. She usually joked around so that people would forget or bring up a new subject. Whatever it is she is going to say, if she even says it is going to be really bad. How could she have kept something that clearly affects her a lot, to herself? She always told me everything; she couldn’t keep anything from me. How long has she kept this to herself?

I observed her and her body language for a moment, I noticed that she barely had on any make-up only lip stick and eyeliner, she had bags under her eyes but they were hardly noticeable, sure she was sleeping but not much, her hair looked a little colorless and her gel nails where at the middle of her real nail, it looked like she hadn’t refilled them in months, and she was wearing regular sandals were as heels that she absolutely loved and always wore.

How didn’t I notice the change before? Amber always had her nails done, she loved having on make-up and her hair was always her main worry and now she looked like she could care less.

I tried to remember the last time Amber looked like herself and it came to me that is was months ago before her husband was called to New York to board some commercial aircrafts in case someone tried to hijack the planes.

He has been gone for a while now but I know Amber talks to him every second of every day. Maybe the change is because she misses him being around, which is understandable but if so why can’t she just tell me. And judging from how long it’s been since she’s talked I can tell it’s something more serious.

“Best friend” Glen said pulling from my thoughts. “Yes?” I asked him not moving my glare from what now seemed to be an empty chair where Amber had once sat. When did she even get up? I really need to stop thinking to deeply. “You should go check if she’s okay” he said, I looked over to him and nodded. I got up and walked inside knowing exactly where she would be. I opened the door to my room and saw her lying down on my bed with shorty on the side of the bed with his two front paws on my bed while she scratched his head.

“Are you okay?” I asked immediately regretting the question, obviously she wasn’t. “I mean, what’s wrong?” I said as I sat down on the other end of the bed thinking she would want some space. She didn’t say anything she just kept scratching shorty. “I wish I was you shorty” she said talking to the dog “Your life is so good, you have no worries. You get fed and don’t have pay bills or care about anything” shorty just kept waging his tail oblivious as to what she was saying.

Amber stopped scratching shorty and slowly turned over to face me “I know you figured out something was really wrong by now” I gave her a small smile and nodded. “I been wanted to tell you but I just couldn’t this is the hardest thing I’ve gone through” she said as a tear escaped her eye. “You know that whatever it is, you don’t have to go through it alone and you shouldn’t have to when you have a best friend” I told her hoping that my words gave her some type of courage to tell me even if she didn’t tell the others.

I meant every word I said, I didn’t want her to go through whatever it was alone, she didn’t need to and she shouldn’t have to. Right now, I didn’t care how long we stay up here in my room and how long the people down stairs had to wait for her to tell her secret. It was just a dumb game any way. What mattered right now were Amber and her letting everything out instead of keeping everything bottled up.

(AMBER’S POV)

“I have to leave best friend, I promised my family I would be home early to go to dinner with them” Glen told April walking over to the bed while holding onto Rosie’s hand. ”Okay, sorry it didn’t go the way I planned” “its okay, it was nice to see a few familiar faces instead of a million different unknown ones” Glen kissed us both on the cheek and Rosie gave us a tight hug. “Bye April, bye Amber!” she said waving her hand back and forth.

I felt my throat dry up and a lump forming in my throat again, I knew it was time to tell April what happened. As if she read my mind she grabbed the water bottle that was behind her on her night stand and gave it to me, I drank for what seemed to be for hours hoping I would somehow drown myself.

“Whenever you’re ready” April told me with a kind smile

“I don’t know where to start” I told her, “start where ever, I’ll keep up and put everything together. I do this on a daily basis” she told me. Suddenly I left like a burden, April had to deal with her clients problems and her own and now she was here sitting next to me listening to mine instead of spending time with Glen or being down stairs and having fun with the others. She was so excited for this day to come and I ruined it.

“I don’t care that today didn’t go as I planned, Glen is staying for a while, I can see him another time and the girls and guys live near us and we can always hang out whenever. So, tell me what’s wrong or we will never leave this room” she said with a grin. “Well then I better get to talking!” I smiled but it quickly faded as I thoought about the tragedy.