I Need You (To Open The Door)

Steven licked his lips slowly and let his eyes fall shut, a tired sigh escaping his lips.

"I'm not going away, Anthony. This isn't something you can just ignore anymore." He whispered, words getting caught and muffled by the wooden door that separated them. Steve rubbed his fingers against the wood- a small, useless distraction- and held his breath as he waited for Anthony to respond.

The air seemed to still between them and the only sound that dared to break the silence was Steven's quiet breathing; but even then it was barely noticeable. He sighed after a few minutes- when it was clear that Anthony wasn't even going to acknowledge him- and instead moved to sit down.

Pressing his back up against the door, he let his head thump against the wood and he cleared his throat loudly.

"'m still here, Chilled. I'm tired and I'm scared but I'm... I'm still here," he sighed, letting all of his exhaustion seep into his voice. He desperately needed Anthony to understand, to realise that he couldn't just keep running away from his problems forever and if it meant sharing his soul with his friend- then so be it.

"I need a sign you're still listening, Anthony. Anything, I'll take anything please. Just don't make me do this by myself, don't make me sit here alone while you fall asleep and ignore me." he begged, turning his head to press his cheek up against the cool door, "please... I need you to know you're still okay,"

He waited a few moments, until he was sure he could hear the sound of shuffling coming from the other side of the door and he couldn't stop the small, bitter smile from growing. Anthony shuffled around the bedroom, until he slumped against the door with back pressed against the wood- echoing the same position that Ze was sat in.

"I-I'm listening..." he whispered and Steven nodded in reply, even though he knew Anthony couldn't see him.

"Good, good. Okay. You know this is a big deal Anthony. You keep trying to brush past it, to ignore it whenever I bring it up; but sooner or later it'll be too late and we'll be forced to actually face the problem," he mumbled, pushing his fingers under the bottom of the door. For a brief moment, he hoped that Anthony would touch his finger-tips in return- a small wish for human contact and comfort- but Anthony made no move to bridge the gap between them and Steven bit his lip until he drew blood.

"We're not teenagers anymore, were adults and sometimes people draw the short straw in life." Steven whispered.

A whimper seeped out from under the door and the sound shattered Ze's heart, but he mentally shook himself and steeled himself for a fight.

"It's not fair..." Anthony replied and Steven hummed in agreement.

"I know, but it's not the end of the world though," Steven whispered and Anthony scoffed from the other side of the door, "I know you don't believe me but it's not. It's not a death sentence and it's not anything unfixable. God, Anthony, I know it's scary, but we'll deal with it together,"

They lapsed back into silence and it set Steven on edge.

He couldn't hear Anthony's breathing through the door, couldn't feel his naturally warm skin brushing against him. The wood muffled everything, dulled the world around him and Ze had never felt more alone than sitting there in Chilled's apartment; with his back pressed against Anthony's closed bedroom door at 12:34 in the morning.

It didn't help that he couldn't tell if Anthony was still safe or if he was actually having another seizure, just metres away from him.

'Another seizure,' Steven mused, huffing bitterly. 'Another seizure that he pretends didn't happen. That he pretends isn't important,'