Lost Stars

I♥︎U.

JIEUN

Breathe in, breathe out.

I smiled, feeling that slight tingle on the tips of my fingers whenever I'm about to go on stage. 

Today, it was IU's comeback. So far, everyone seems to be excited that I have finally decided to stand under the spotlight once more. I know for a fact that my song is doing well, the music video reached ten million views within a week, insane isn't it? I know. This was my first come back after debuting three months ago, but a question wouldn't stop bugging me. Should I be happy or upset that everyone liked to listen to me sing about a sad memory? Happy, be happy. Was what my manager always said. The fans won't be happy that you feel down, you'll cause an uproar. And happiness, satisfaction and never-ending energy was what I fed the netizens.

"IU-ssi, it's time to go, please step onto the platform." The producer said, gesturing towards the platform. Lights flared down from the platform's vacant spot, the screams and cheers of fans cheering me on. 'Lee Jieun, Lee Jieun!' Was all I could hear. The overwhelming screams blocked out the stage crew's orders, but I knew what to do. I've done this hundreds of times. 

I smiled at everyone around me and got onto the platform. I took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to relax my tensed muscles. The music began. I lifted my head and the blinding light stabbed at my retinas, which made me teary-eyed. Helps with the feeling of the song, since it's about a girl who went through heartbreak. As I scanned the crowd, I was as always, hoping to see those warm, chocolate brown eyes. Absent. As always, what was I expecting. The crowd went crazy, seeing me finally appear before them, real flesh and blood.

I grabbed onto the mic in front of me and smiled weakly, the tune making me feel weak in my knees. The platform jolted to a stop and I kicked my foot back, checking for a stool. There was a stool, and I made a mental note to thank the stage crew later. During rehearsals, there wasn't a stool, so I suppose they thought I might need it after all since I broke down during rehearsals. I slid onto the seat, adjusting my navy blue dress as the soothing tune that was playing, ended on a smooth note.

"I know everything there is to know. But when it comes to love, I'm such a fool." I began, and the crowd went quiet. I could see some of the fans who were cheering so excitedly, had their arms who were up in the air, go limp by their sides. A couple near the back was cuddling, their  happy smiles melting into a sad, weak one. 

Everyone has had someone they loved so much, mess up their lives. If you haven't, it will come soon enough. You'd think 'I can handle it, I know I can', but when the time comes, when your world crumbles down in front of your eyes, can you still say that you can handle it?

"Even if I don't know anything else, I really want to be good at love like everyone else... But I can't." Everyone was smiling sadly, and I could sense some of them can see right through me, and see my weakness, and my weakness isn't something I'm proud of. "What do I do? Do I need to learn from you, who only received and left me?"

"Why did you teach me love, that was not like love?"

"Is there another fool like me too?" Everyone began swaying, and as I sang, my chest tightened, and I could see the memories Jungkook and I had, flashing before my eyes. "Who gives all smiles when everything is lost, a fool, a fool like me?"

Jungkook and I at the park when we were trainees, sharing a cone of strawberry ice cream.  "I know already," He had an arm around my waist, and the other holding onto the cone. "I won't ever do this kind of love again." He was smiling at me, and his phone beeped. I felt my smile falter, but I held it up, even as he pulled it out and shoved the cone at me, unlocking his phone and tapping away. 

"But that's just what I say after hearing other people say it." Jungkook and I in his apartment his company had bought for him, he was sprawled on the red, torn up couch while scarfing down snacks. "Actually, I don't really know. I'm sorry that I don't resemble you." He glanced at me, smiled lazily, and turned back to watching the television. I grinned, and that's when his phone beeped again.

"Even if everyone calls me a fool, I don't want to love if it's not really like love." That time, I tried to sneak a peek at who was so important, that he'd ditch me just to reply them. "Even if I'm scared of giving everything and being forgotten, I'm more scared that my heart will learn your ways." I only saw the person's contact, but that enough was able to drive me off the edge of the cliff, which I thought I was far away from. "Is there another fool like me too?"

He was shocked, and almost dropped his phone and spilled his bag of chips. 'Soomi♥' was her contact, and there wasn't a need for a long, fake, and quickly made explanation. "Who gives me all smiles even when everything is lost, a fool, a fool like me?" Jungkook tossed his phone onto the couch andstood in front of me, grabbing my shoulders. 'Jieun ah, it's not like that! It's not what you think!' He yelled, desperation and panic painted on his face.

"I'm a fool, I'm such a fool for love." I didn't know what to do. Should I have screamed and thrashed around like everyone else would? Should I have calmly ended it there? "Some day I'll meet a person that resembles me." I probably should have, but instead, I mustered up a smile, and shrugged his hands off my shoulders. 'It's okay, Kookie. Just tell me who she is..' I had said. "Who is like me, I believe I'll find that person."

'She's a friend.' He said immediately. If I wasn't so dumb, I could've seen the way his eyes were shaking, the way sweat formed on his temples although the air conditioner was blasting, "There has to be a fool like me somewhere, that person will also be waiting for me." The way he crossed his fingers behind his back. I saw it, I saw everything. But I was blinded by love, and I was stupid enough to believe such an obvious lie. "Fool, fool, like a fool." 

And a year later, I caught him and a girl in his apartment, all cuddled up, but I still gave him a smile and believed him. A few months later, he feeds me with a lie saying his father did not want me 'distracting' him from his career. Last time I checked, his father was willing to make me his daughter-in-law, and that was two hours after he finally met me. And that was when he left me, ditching me at a fast-food restaurant so that he could continue his secret relationship.

I blinked back to reality, and the light was still on me, the crowd was clapping with tears flowing freely. My head dipped, and I saw that a small droplets were falling onto my dress. I lifted my hand to my cheek, and I noticed I was crying. Sighing, I ran a hand through my neatly styled hair and smiled at the crowd, standing up, and pacing slowly towards the platform. My knees were wobbly and I felt like curling into a ball and crying, but I had to get off stage first. I could do the crying and ugly moaning in the dressing room. 

The platform began lowering itself and I blinked back tears, fought the sobs that threatened to escape my lips and calmed myself from shivering. As I turned around to thank the stage crew and the staff, everyone was staring at me pitifully. Even fellow idols who were about to go on stage to perform. And so, I smiled, as wide as I could, and left for my dressing room in a hurry, wiping the tears that escaped. Unfortunately, fate had something else planned for me.

I bumped into a hard chest, and tumbled to the ground. "Oh my god, I'm sorry, I should've--" 

That voice. 

I looked up hopefully, and sure enough, there he was. His gorgeous face had became handsomer, but his warm eyes had never changed. I smiled weakly, and stood up, dusting myself off as I bowed my head, mumbling an apology. I needed to leave, and I needed to leave now. I brushed past him, and I could've sworn I saw regret in his eyes. Was I just imagining things? If not, god save me, because what I can get from repeating my mistakes, is never good.

Don't appear in front of me, Jeon Jeongguk. Don't, I beg of you.