The New Girl [On hiatus]

Confession

I woke up the next morning before my alarm. It had been a restless night, full of strange dreams of girls and boys, and all of them wanted something from me. I didn't know what to make of it, so I decided to ignore it. Or, try to at least.

I chose a playlist on my ipod of indie songs, deciding that something softer was in order this morning, and put it on shuffle. Grabbing a light blue sundress with a black corset-style top with a zipper and a bra and underwear, I headed into the bathroom to shower, singing along to Bon Iver's Skinny Love. It was about 5:30, so I had plenty of time. I washed my hair, scrubbed my body, and shaved, then got out and towelled off. I dried my hair and decided to straighten it. Did my makeup, deciding on a little eyeliner for a pin-up girl look today, and then headed downstairs to eat. Mom had left early for work today, and dad always left early, so I was on my own. I rummaged through the cupboards, and decided that frozen waffles were on the menu today. I popped them in the toaster and headed upstairs to check my phone. I had two messages, one from Charlie, and one from Aedan.

Charlie: Hey, sorry I never texted you last night like I said I would. I was unpacking. When I've finished, you should come over and I'll show you my room. :)

Aedan: I know you often forget that I have my own car, so I thought I'd remind you. Today, I'll be using that car to pick up Selina and after school we're heading out. 1 year today. :)

I smiled at both their texts. Charlie's made my stomach twist and I wasn't sure why. Was she inviting me to her room because I'd showed her mine? Was she inviting me because she wanted me to see it and know her? Was she just being friendly? I couldn't figure it out. And Aedan. He and Selina had been together for a full year now, and I was happy for them. They were so good for each other, it made everyone else smile.

I sent Aedan a quick okay, and then replied to Charlie's text.

Me: Ever been on a motorcycle?

I hadn't taken my bike out in a while, since lately I'd been driving more than one person around at a time, and I was anxious to get on again. I loved riding my Kawasaki Ninja 650. Something about just me and the open road, and the powerful engine beneath me and nothing else was soothing. 

Charlie: Nope. You offering?

Me: Yup. Pick you up at 7:30. Don't worry, I've got a passenger helmet.

Charlie: Great, see you then!

With that settled, I brushed my teeth, and checked the time. It was only 6:30. I wandered downstairs and grabbed one of my favourite acoustic guitars off the wall. It's an Epiphone Dave Navarro “Jane” Acoustic, autographed by Justin Vernon of Bon Iver that I'd gotten as a birthday gift. I got the guitar, and then met him at a coffee shop that same night. It was one of my most prized possessions. I took the guitar into my studio and pulled the headphones over my ears, taking my seat on a stool in front of the mic. I strummed a few chords, and adjusted the tuning, then started recording.

There are better ways

To waste away my days

I'd rather spend my time,

Sitting here with you.

You're the way I start my mornings, baby

And the way I end my nights

You're the reason for my every smile and,

I love the way you laugh.

I stopped, and hit the button to stop the track. I sat there for a minute, and thought about my lyrics. It was an original song I'd started writing, and never gotten around to recording. I never thought the lyrics were right. I found myself starting to make changes in my mind already, changes to fit Charlie, who was now in my thoughts. I shook my head, and decided to just record a cover of something instead. I moved my capo to 3rd fret, and began the complicated melody of Gregory Alan Isakov's song Big Black Car. I loved how beautiful the song was. I finished recording, and went into the booth to play it back. I shifted the equalizers and various sliders as needed, to adjust volume, and background noise. Finally, I saved the cut and added it to my folder of various songs I'd recorded. Checking the time, I realized it was 7am, and decided to leave early. I didn't want to sit around any longer.

Me: Hey, I'm going to head over a bit early, hope you don't mind. I got ready too early and now I have nothing to do.

I looked down at my dress and decided I'd need to change if I was taking the ninja. I ran upstairs and put on a pair of dark skinny jeans, and a blue Glamour Kills sweater. Still cute, I decided. I grabbed a pair of vans from my closet, and headed out to the garage. I shoved the extra helmet in my bike bag, and shoved mine on my head, and checked my phone one last time before heading off. Charlie had replied, saying it was fine that I was early, and we could go get coffee before school or something. I smiled, and started the engine, closing the garage with the automatic shutter in my bag. I rode down the quiet suburban streets, with their nice houses and passed people out walking dogs and enjoying the warm fall air. It hadn't started to cool down too badly yet, so people were taking advantage of the last warm days of fall. Charlie had started the semester late, but not too late. People were still switching classes and not back from vacation. She'd only missed two weeks. As I turned onto her street, I looked at the houses. They were nice. Not huge like Aedan's, and slightly smaller than mine, but the architecture was incredible. They looked Victorian. I pulled into Charlie's driveway, as she stood up from her seat on the porch and waved. I handed her the extra helmet and lifted my visor, grinning at her.

"I hope you know what you're doing," She said, straddling the back of the bike.

"Trust me, I've very good. Hold on tight, and don't let go. Remember to lean with me, but not too much. Relax and enjoy the ride," I said. I felt her arms snake around my stomach and her pressed against my back. I carefully backed out of her driveway, and took off down the street.

I felt her arms tighten around me as we picked up speed, and chuckled. 

"I can feel you laughing," She yelled. "It's not funny!"

"Just relax!" I told her. "You'll be perfectly safe with me."

I turned onto one of the busier streets and conversation was pointless at the point. We drove to a little coffee shop that I enjoyed going to and got off the bike. Charlie took off the helmet and looked me over.

"You look hot like that. Like some sort of awesome biker chick," She said, taking in my leather jacket I'd thrown on over my sweater, my helmet, and jeans. I blushed, thankful I was wearing the helmet. By my reaction, I was starting to think maybe I wasn't as straight as I thought. I don't know why I kept reacting this way.

Inside the coffee shop we placed our orders and sat down at a booth in the back. Charlie looked at me, and then looked down at the table, biting her lip. She looked worried about something. I wanted to make it okay for her.

"What wrong?" I asked, regarding her carefully. Today she was wearing a You Me At Six tank top with a pair of red skinny jeans, a black leather jacket and british flag TOMS. Definitely cute. She looked at me, and her blue eyes seemed bigger than they had a moment ago. And she looked nervous.

"Well, before we get really close and you find out and hate me, there's something I want to tell you. I didn't want to tell you before, because I didn't think it'd be a big deal, but now I need to because something is happening and I don't want it to ruin whatever friendship we've started," She was rambling, trying to avoid saying it straight out.

I moved over to her side of the booth and faced her. "Charlie, whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise, it'll be fine." My heart was beating a little faster, whether it was from wanting to know her secret, or from the proximity, I wasn't sure. She looked up at me, and took a deep breath.

"Kenzie, I'm gay. I don't like guys, I like girls, and I know I barely know you, but I think I'm already starting to like you, and I don't want to make things weird. It's just that you seem so interesting, and passionate, and I love that. You have a good sense of humour, and awesome taste, and I want to know more about you. Please don't leave," She said, all in one breath. I blinked and looked at her for a moment, processing what she just said. I looked at this girl in front of me, who'd just confessed that she was gay and liked me, this girl who'd turned my life upside down in 24 hours, questioning my own sexuality, and I didn't think. I kissed her.