The New Girl [On hiatus]

Tell Me What You Want

Her lips were soft as she responded to my kiss, kissing me back sweetly. Her arms went to my sides, and I cupped her face in my hand. I knew there was no going back now. I was enjoying this too much to lie to myself. It both terrified me and excited me. I was scared because being gay is still so controversial, and I was scared of the stares and the comments that I was sure we would get from kids at school. I was excited because this opened up the possibility that maybe I could be happy with someone, in a way I hadn't been able to be before.

We broke apart, and she rested her forehead against mine, smiling at me. I bit my lip and looked at her, still battling with myself.

"Charlie, I have never kissed a girl before. I've never even thought that I could be gay. And since I first saw you yesterday, it's all I've been thinking about. This is terrifying for me, and I don't want to lie to you. I'm so scared of what this might mean. I don't want to hurt you, and now I know I don't want to lose you, but I don't know what I want. I want.... I want this to be easier." I looked away, feeling the burn behind my eyes, and not wanting to cry. 

I felt Charlie move back to look at me, and then she took my hand in hers. I turned to look back at her, and she had a soft look on her face, that made me feel like somehow, things would be okay.

"Kenzie, believe me, I know. I know what it's like to feel like that, I was in the exact same place at one point. But you'll get through it. I promise. I'll help you. In any way I can. But I want to be honest with you, I want you to be mine. I won't force you, and I won't push, but I need you to know that I'm not going to give up," She said to me, completely honest.

I looked at her, and wondered how such a small person could turn my life upside down so effectively and so quickly. I nodded at her, and smiled slowly. She smiled back, and we drank our coffees in silence, each lost in our own thoughts. She still held my hand, and I didn't mind. I paid, and led her outside back to the bike. Her arms were tighter around me this time, on the ride to school, as if she thought she might never get to be that close to me again. When we got to school, we still had time to kill, so we went to the music room, to wait for the others, and to chat. I also sent Aedan a quick text.

Me: Hey, I need to talk to you later. It's important.

Aedan: Okay, we'll talk when I get there. 

I put my phone back away and sat down at the piano in the corner of the room. My fingers picked out little melodies, as Charlie made her way over to sit beside me. She watched me for a bit in silence before she spoke.

"So, I think we should treat this like anything else. Get to know each other, see how things go, where they go." She said, not looking at me. She played it off with confidence, but I could see the slight tremor in her hands that let me know how nervous she really was.

"I think that's a good idea. Between you and Aedan, I've got the best support I can to figure this out. I want to know you better, anyways. Plus, we do have that project, so it'd be a good idea." I replied, staring at the piano keys. I started playing the melody for Apologize by One Republic, and watched the way my fingers moved over the keys. I sighed, and stopped playing. 

"What's your favourite food?" I asked her.

"Pizza. I could eat it forever." She replied with a smile. "What about yours?"

"Sushi, without a doubt. It's so good." I replied, smiling back. "Your turn."

"Alright. If you could do anything with your life, what would you do? If money were no object."

I thought about this one for a moment. "I'd make music, and tour. I'd see the world while doing the one thing I love most, more than anything else." I finally answered. "What about you?" I threw back. I was really interested in her answer.

"I'd work in 3rd-world countries doing relief work. And hope that one day they could build themselves into a better place, and that I'd get to be there to help it happen."

I looked at her, seeing a whole new side of her. I liked it. Just as I was about to say something, the others walked in all at once. I smiled and waved, and Charlie and I got up and walked over to them. We took our regular seat in the middle of the room, and Hannah passed out donuts. 

"I decided that I loved you guys today, so I got a bunch. 3 are chocolate glazed, 2 are boston creme, and the sprinkles one is mine, so don't any of you bitches touch it." She said, grinning. 

I reached in and grabbed a chocolate donut, noticing Charlie did too. Aedan grabbed a boston creme faster than I could even follow and shoved it into his mouth. They were his favourite, and he got very competitive for them. I laughed around my mouthful of donut and he narrowed his eyes at me. Then he got up, and announced that he and I were going to take a walk because he needed to talk to me.

We walked in silence for a while, before Aedan started to speak.

"So, you wanted to talk?" He asked, looking at me sideways.

"Yeah," I said. "Needed to talk, is more like it. I took the bike today. And picked up Charlie. We went for coffee before school." I watched his reaction carefully through all this. He raised his eyebrow once, but said nothing, waiting for me to continue.

"She told me she's gay. And she's starting to like me. I uh.... I kissed her." This got a reaction. Aedan stopped dead and looked at me in disbelief. 

"You did what?" He said in a stage whisper. "Dude, does this mean...?" He trailed off as I shrugged and bit my lower lip.

"That's the thing, I still don't know. I liked it, oh man, did I like it. But it's still all so new. I told her that. We're going to figure it out. But I need you to be there for me too. I'm not going to tell the others yet. And I'm going to get to know Charlie better before I make my mind up about anything. But I'm really going to need to go to one of those GSA meetings, and sort this out." I said.

Aedan smiled and let out a low whistle. "Damn, Kenzie, changing teams on me?" he teased lightly, letting me know everything was going to be okay. I smiled and punched his arm.

"Why, does it upset you?" I teased, batting my lashes. We laughed and he pulled me in for a hug, and I relaxed, knowing that I had my best friend beside me no matter what.

He slung his arm around my shoulders as we walked back to the music room, and winked at me conspiratorially.

"So, you know, if you turn out to be gay, I'm going to have to fight all the girls off you too. It's hard enough keeping the guys away, being your brother is hard, Kenz."

I laughed out loud, and elbowed him in the side. We got back to the music room, where everyone was still sitting in the circle, and Evan was apparently telling a story, because everyone else was laughing.

"....and then she tripped and landed on her ass in front of everyone, and tried to play it off, but when she was getting up she got her pants caught on a-"

"Evan, that's enough! Nooooo, why did you have to tell that story?" I whined. He was telling Charlie about the time when we were in the 6th grade and I'd tripped and ripped my pants in front of the whole school on a camping trip. So embarrassing.

"Aw, c'mon Kenz, it's hilrious." He grinned.

I glared at him, but couldn't help and smile back. I nodded, grudgingly allowing him to finish the story.

"So anyway, she was getting up and her pants got caught on a tent peg in the ground and ripped the seat right out! She ran into the woods and climbed a tree, she was so embarrassed. It took Aedan and I a full hour to coax her down." he finished.

By this point everyone was in tears laughing at me, and I glared at them all in turn. That only seemed to make them laugh harder. 

"Whatever," I growled, "remember, karma's a bitch." I said. And with that, the bell rang and we all headed off to our respective classes, Charlie accompanying me to art.

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Author's Note:

So, this is a new story I got the idea for and started working on. I've got a bunch of ideas, so let me know what you think. :3