Invisible

Over thinking..

I felt awkward now. I should I told my self. I had found a person who seemed genuinely like me and I had already blown a chance to have a friend! He seemed so genuine as well! I guess he hates me now! I closed my laptop to go and wallow in self pity while watching netflix and eating ice cream. Oh well somethings were never meant to happen. Including me a little voice said. The voice was right, I was an accident and that all became clear when I grew up.

No one at primary school liked me as from a young age I was a bit of a smart ass and no one liked that. Kids used to pick on me because I was 'posh'. No I'm not posh! I'm articulate! And because I was happy. In todays society we all brush off and try to stamp out any good qualitys people may have. And so that kid grows up to believe they are worthless and just a meaningless human part of this gigantic universe and when they die they won't have even left a scratch to be remembered by. That they will grow up to do a useless job and then die and no one will care. It's no wonder that self harm suicide and depression statistics are climbing! Because from a young age your just told that your dreams won't come true because you're not good enough ect.

I guess that's what happened to me. So yeah blame me for not caring about the future and the present because I had in the past and now look where it's got me. No where still in my home town with no life goals trying to watch tv I've pjs because I messed up a friend ship that could have happened!

But I am used to it, used to being pushed around. Used being invisible. Used to no one caring. What's one more? Well I guess I was just happy that someone wasn't fake.
You see everyone is a stranger before you know them. And until you know them they could be anyone. And then you get to know them and suddenly instead of being like a piece of grass that you see millions of , you see a flower.
But if you don't know them that well they could be about as fake as a plastic flower. And that's what I thought Phil was! Just some guy that would use me to help him with his school social life or work and then dump me and find someone new.

But he was like me! We shared common interests and weren't really popular and he wasn't a jerk that worked out every day, wore loads of sports brands and had like 50 girls staring at him everywhere he went!

Yes I realise that now he is sat next to me in a couple of subjects and it will be real awkward because I ditched him for, as far as he can see, no apparent reason! But I still feel bad for him! He won't have anyone to show him round!

But at least he escaped me... I wouldn't have been his ticket into a decent social life! He won't have to be seen with me anymore! Maybe he will actually get a decent friend that can actually be able to be in direct contact with humans for long periods of time without having to run off and be alone for a bit!

And I won't have to stress about how he would leave me when some better people go and talk to him and he realises that they are so much better than me and actually worth his time! And I won't be nearly having panic attacks about trying to talk to someone I barely know!

All for the best then i guess!

Well I try to convince myself that anyway. It was nice to talk again but oh well. All good things come to an end and everything is temporary!

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Ok sorry it was shorts it was more of a filler chapter! Haha I was meant to be doing homework but I prefer writing phanfics so fuck school!
Love you all you lil llamas! Or lil lions? Which do you prefer?
Bye x