Never Enough

5- What to do

"WAAAAA!!"

Oh please just STOP.

"WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Ok ok I'm coming"

I lifted my baby out of its cot then placed his head on my shoulder sitting down ready to feed him.

Third time in the last 2 hours, Iv fallen behind on soo much sixth form work which I need to catch up on. This baby life isn't for me I'm not old enough for this yet :(

But when I feel unmotivated or just feel like giving up all I have to do it look at my blue eyes beauty and he reminds me why I should keep on going and work hard for him and for myself.

I rocked his back and forth for what seemed like an eternity until he calmed down.

I sat there feeding him whilst stoking his silky soft brown hair. His big deep blue eyes staring back at me, such a handsome boy he will grow up to be, I could just see it.

He curled his minuscule soft hands around my finger closing his eyes and his legs rubbing off each other whilst he drank his milk.

After what seemed like an eternity went back to sleep. Phew!

I wasn't able to sleep after that so I decided to stay up and catch up on some work; my college had kindly sent me all the course work and essays I had to do. Great.

MORNING

"ERICA, SOMETHINGS COME IN THE POST FOR YOU", my dad exclaimed.

That must be the DNA results. I had managed to convince Kyle's mum to take a swab out of his gum with a bud whilst he was sleeping. She returned it and I did the same with my baby boy and sent them off about 2 weeks ago.

Now there're here.

I ran downstairs with my boy still fast asleep in my hands. It was from the hospital, it was definitely the results.

My heart thudded in my chest, I felt like it was about to burst. I went into the kitchen eyes fixed to the envelope before me.

I sat down on one of the stools and looked down at the tiny life in my hand. It was crazy to think that a year ago I was either out partying with God knows who or having sex and living life as I called it.

I had to change. For my baby.

I knew I needed help but is just didn't see a reason, if what I was doing wasn't harming anyone else then it was fine, right?

But now it's not just me is it. It's him as well, he can't grow up to see his mum always out having sex with HIV or some STD. But I guess Iv kind of resorted to masterbating and porn for that matter.

My head was spinning with all kinds if thoughts; will I be a good enough mum to him? What name should I give to him? How do I keep up with my school work and juggle having a baby at such a young age? Will I be able to stop my addiction and get help?

Everything became a blur and in that moment all I could think about was the results, I couldn't open the letter, not right now.

I decided to take my mind off things and go for a walk with my little boy. I just needed to clear my mind from a few things and stop worrying about the results.

AFTERNOON

I came back from my very very long walk, fed the baby and I had a sand which then called Danielle to see if she was free; she had been dying to see the baby since she came to the hospital, I hadn't really invited anyone over as I was being anti-social, but I really needed company.

I put on some decent clothes, packed a bag with all the baby essentials and some food, and got the buggy and left.

***
" you should really do something about it, you can't keep going on like this " Danielle was now cradling him after insisting on feeding, " it's not right and you know it.

"But what can I do? If Isaac is the dad he's probably going to say I faked the test and if he isn't then he'll be all like 'why did you go behind my back' shit, it's a lose lose situation.

"If he is the father the only way is up right? He can't abandon his son I mean look at him, he looks like he's gonna Become a fucking sex god when he's older, if he was older I would fuck him black and blue - no one can turn that down." Danielle exclaimed, I swear this girl makes me piss myself every time I see her - she's so funny; but I must admit, he is going to be hella buff when he's older, I can just see it.

"And if he's not the father"

"what he doesn't know won't hurt him"

"So I don't tell him about the DNA test?"

"No - unless u want to lose your best friend forever"

"Danielle, Iv already lost him ok? There's no going back"

"You two are tight, through thick and thin you are strong, always remember - water is thicker than blood"

"Dumb people....everywhere" I muttered to myself, I mean I love my girl but she is thicker than my two thighs stuck together, and they're thick.

"If he's not the dad, what will I do?"

"Ok stop. Just stop, open the fucking letter before I cut one of your pussy lips and feed it to my brother; although he probably won't like it, your pussy must smell like in between my grandpa's toes"

I really wanted to get a hammer and smash her head into a wall, but something in the way she said That made me think twice, like there was a certain innocence in her voice. Instead I gave her the dirtiest look I could possible give.
She smiled back at me, arranged my baby back into his coy ready for. Us to go,

" Oh yeah, are you gonna give him a name or what?" She broke the silence that came between us, " or is he just gonna be known as " the baby of a nympho"

"1. U need to quit doing that and 2. I was going to find out who the dad was so we could make a mutual decision on the name " I responded, quite harshly actually.

" Honey, u need to be independent girl, you don't need no man to make decisions with, you know if I could stay off them completely"

"who's gonna keep my juices working😉?" I replied " A girls gotta have orgasms once a while you know"

" that's why we have dildos, oooh the ones that vibrate are the best, they send a wave in my body that no man can do" She said shivering in pleasure.

" ahh you kill me Danielle " I said creasing.

" But seriously you need to open that letter, you don't know what could happen"

She was right, I did need to open the letter

***

I finally got home, fed my little angel, put him to bed and sat on mine with the letter in my hand, " ok you can do it Erica, it's fine there's no need to be worried, whatever the outcome we'll figure something out ok? "

So I did I opened the letter that could possibly change my life.