No Place Like Home

Chapter 13

Austin's POV
I gently rocked Kinsley in the rocking chair in her room, bathed in the moonlight flowing in from the window. She had woken up wailing about a half an hour ago. I luckily got to her before she could wake Ally up.
She was slowly starting to drift back off to sleep while I held her. I couldn't understand why she was crying like she was. Maybe it was just a bad dream.
"It's okay sweetie, Dada's here now, and he's never going to leave you again. I promise." I leaned down and kissed her head.
I softly began to sing to her as I felt myself growing drowsy,
I'm a little butterfly
Spread my colorful wings
Even though I'm small and frail
I can do almost anything
Caterpillar in my cocoon
I'm gonna be a butterfly soon
I'm a little butterfly
I can soar through the sky
So glad I ended up like this
Thanks to metamorphosis
I'm a butterfly
I'm a butterfly
Yeah.
I looked back down at Kinsley and suddenly felt my eyes grow heavy.

Ally's POV
I wandered down the hallway, looking for Austin. He wasn't beside me when I woke up, and I felt the same pang of hurt that I did on the tour bus weeks ago. I hated that I was this weak, but Mom said time would heal all pain and I trusted her, so I knew it would eventually get better.
I was walking by Kinsley's nursery and a big blur caught my eye. I backed up and the sight before me warmed my heart. There was Austin in the rocking chair holding Kins, both asleep. I walked over to them and lifted Kinsley out of his arms. She stirred a little, but calmed down when I laid her in her crib. I walked back over to my husband, trying to decide if I should wake him or let him sleep.
I sat down in his lap and the rocking chair leaned back with our combined weight. Austin scratched his head and opened his eyes. "Hey there." I said smiling.
"Hey Alls. Kinsley woke up screaming last night and I came to see about her, I guess I fell back asleep." He said rubbing his neck.
"What was wrong with her?" I ask, worried.
"Nothing was physically wrong. I think she was just having a bad dream."
"Are you sure?" I ask, getting up and going to Kins.
I began to examine her to double check and make sure nothing was wrong. As I look at her face, I notice something. Her mouth agape and shining through is a little tiny tooth. "Austin, come here!" I say excitedly.
He gets up out of the rocking and chair and stands beside me, "What is it?"
"'Look, a tooth has come through." I say pulling her bottom lip down to expose the whole tooth.
"Ooohhhh, that's why she was crying last night. She's teething Ally."
"Awe, before long she'll be eating solid food." I say as Austin wraps his arms around me.
"Tonight at dinner she'll request a steak!" He says laughing.
I giggle as we sway and look at our little girl.
"Austin?" I say after a couple of moments.
"Yeah babe?"
"I love watching you with Kins. You're the most kind and caring father, thank you." I tell him, turning around in his arms to face him.
He leans down and kisses me. When we pull away he looks back at our daughter, "I've really missed spending time with her."
"Me too."
We watch her sleep for a few more minutes until I grab Austin's hand, "Come on. Let's go back to bed. It's only 4:30."
"Sleep tight." He tells Kins before we make our way back to our bedroom.
As soon as we enter our bedroom, I run to our bed and jump under the covers, "Burrrr." I say as I snuggle up under the comforter.
"You cold?" Austin asks climbing in beside me.
"Mhm." I say nodding my head.
"Come here, I'll keep you warm." He says opening his arms.
I climb in his lap and he swaddles me in a blanket. "Why are you so good to me?" I ask him.
"Because I adore you, beautiful." Hey says, pulling me close and connecting his lips with mine.
Electricity shoots through my body, and moments later, the kiss turns fiery with the passion of our love. Austin reaches over and turns our bedside lamp off, and darkness covers the room. I wrap my arms around his strong torso, and he lays me down, my head facing the foot of the bed. He pulls away, the tips of our noses touching, "I love you Alls."
"I love you too honey." I tell him, running a hand through his hair.
As soon as he crashes his lips against mine again, it hits me: the pain of my miscarriage, the fear of having another one, the fear of Austin possibly hurting me.
I continue our kiss for a few seconds more, but then I quickly place my hands on his chest and push him off of me, "Austin...I'm sorry." I say, my voice breaking.
He sits up and looks at me, and a flash of realization crosses his face. "Baby, no. It was my fault. I shouldn't have..." He says placing an arm on my shoulder.
Tears begin to fall down my face, "Austin, I don't understand. I thought I was ready. I-I...please hold me."

Austin's POV
I cradle Ally as she cries, my heart breaking with each tear that falls. I don't know what to tell her; I don't know anything that could possibly make this better.
I shouldn't have kissed her like that. I should've given her time! Why? ...why? I didn't mean to hurt her. I would never hurt my sweet Alls.
I feel my cheeks become wet as I think about what I've done to her, and before I realize it, my body is shaking along with Ally's.
I feel a hand on my cheek and open my eyes to see Ally looking up at me. "Austin?"
"Yea?" I say, wiping the dampness off my cheeks, and then off of hers.
"I'm scared." She admits, "I can't control this fear. I'm afraid of having to lose another child."
"I know." I say, pushing her hair behind her ears.
"And...I'm afraid you're going to hurt me."
I take a sudden deep breath and hold in the tears that are threatening to fall. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you again."
"Austin, this isn't your fault. I wanted to, I really did." Ally says, beginning to calm down.
"But I still hurt you." I say turning my head away in shame.
"No. Stop thinking about that. Please, don't think that. It's not true."
I try to accept what she's saying, but I still feel guilty. She can tell I'm hurt over this, so she explains to me, "Austin, I'm not afraid of you hurting me emotionally. You couldn't and never would do that. It's just that, we haven't made love since I lost our baby."
I nod my head, "Whenever we are ready, I promise I won't hurt you. Trust me."
"I do." She says laying her head on my shoulder.

It's silent for a couple of moments until Ally speaks, "Well, we've got an hour until daylight. Would you like to have devotional time on the back porch? It's been a while, and I feel the need to be close to God right now. Plus, we can watch the sunrise together."
"I'd love too." I say intertwining our hands.
I pick up my Bible from the night stand and we walk downstairs, being as quiet as possible.
Somehow, someway, and someday we would be ready again. It was just going to take time to heal, for both of us.