Mixed Signals

0.1 // The Past And The Present

•Madison

Life is cruel to some people.

I may think it's cruel to me, but I know some people out there have it far worse than I. Still, though, it doesn't change the fact that I have it heavy on me.

Sometimes, I find myself staring at the ceiling of my bedroom wishing I could turn back time to the good old days when everything was right into place. When everyone was happy and at peace. And when all was well.

Now, it's just horrible.

The world we live in at this timeline is a huge disaster; it is one huge filthy piece of crap. No one, and I mean absolutely no one-- wants to live in it anymore, besides those who want to rule it and make it even worse. Maybe those who are extremely optimistic and are hoping that it will once again be a wonderful place to live in.

I, myself used to be like that--the overly optimistic person, I mean. But now, I'm just like the total opposite especially with our current situation right now.

Basically, the old me's completely gone. Everything's changed, except for that mindset of wanting to go back to the past.

Animals are losing their homes because of global warming. People are dying because of the extreme change in weather. And basically, every tree in the city is being replaced with skyscrapers which would probably be destroyed and demolished later on--and that's only just the physical part.

A lot of people are dying because of various terrorist attacks, couples filing a divorce and leaving their four year old child in the place of utter confusion, and people just leaving other people alone for no apparent reason or any explanation why.

Everything just seems so lonely and sad about our world. And some of the people make the fact that the place we live in is slowly dying- and not just the physical aspects of it- even worse. It feels like it's already crumbling down, and it bothers me so much that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, I can never change the world back to how it was back then.

But if I can't change the world, I'd at least want to change to how I was back then; all smiles and laughter, doing nothing but cartwheels down our backyard. Maybe, by doing that, I'd feel like the world's all pieced back together and I'd be back to being the overly positive person who believes that everyone could achieve their dreams.

Besides the 'almost perfect' grades and ultra clear skin (I literally had no acne back then, I swear. I could never have been more blessed), I really, really want to bring one particular person back.

His name is Kyle Byrne, the asshole who (in fact used to be my best friend) left me without even saying goodbye.

And he's acting like nothing's wrong whenever we're with each other.

No explanation, no words, no anything. I was left with nothing, wondering why he left me.

I don't even know why I'd ever want him back after what he's done to me; leaving me hanging. But there's this little voice inside my head that tells my heart that no matter how much he hurt me, I'd always want him back.

I want to have that asshole back in my life. I want him back. I still hate him, though.

It's possible to want someone you hate because let me tell you this. There is a thin line between love and hate, and I, Madison Thompson is on the edge, about to fall to the other side.

It's quite peculiar actually--how our relationship suddenly drifted to something I never would never imagine five years ago; how it just suddenly ended.