My writing

Help..

"Oh I'm just tired","just a bad day","I'm fine", "I'm ok","it's nothing." just excuses I throw out everyday. They ask if I'm okay... No.. No I'm not ok ..but I wont tell you that... Because I don't want you to ask why.. Or burden you with my issues..

I put on that smile and pretend it's all ok.. But it's not.. I am breaking inside.. I absolutely hate myself.. I am not good enough.. I fuck up to much.. I burden and annoy people with my existence..

I'm sure my father wouldnt care if I was no longer here... He's got 4 other kids. Why do I matter.. I don't.. He doesn't even know I'm his kid until I'm visiting... He wouldnt have to pay for me anymore.. Wouldnt have to waste his time and money on me.. He can pamper my siblings without being pulled back because of me..

My mother and grandmother might care.. Although.. I get ignored a lot.. And.. The only affection I get is from my boyfriend and friends..
They only notice I'm here when they either wanna yell at me for something I fucked up or to do something...

Why do I matter?? I don't... That's the thing.. They make it seem like I do.. But I honestly don't... I'm just a anorexic little bitch with anger issues who needs to learn to keep her mouth shut and leave everyone alone... Because when I speak or do anything I either fuck up someone's life or my own...

Why was I put on this earth... All I do is destruction.. I'm like a constant flame.. I burn people and destroy everything I touch..

When will I learn..

That I over love... I'm too clingy... People hate me because of it..

...but I'll get through it... Like always.. Put on a mask.. Hope they don't ask.. And try to last.. Through the rest if they day... Until my sweet escape of sleep where I can get away from it all... And try to not fuck up... But... I still end up doing it... So.. I'll keep trying