Protect Me *ON HOLD*

Numb

A/N: Jason^^

I'm so sorry :( I really like writing but I'm so lazy and I'm trying to come out of it... Life's been cruel lately.. But here :)

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Logan

Numb. That's all I feel everyday. It gnaws at my chest like a dog with its bone. I like to think I don't face any mental disorder, but all these thoughts flowing through my mind say something different. I don't sleep or I sleep to much, when I don't,  it's when the worst thoughts come to me. The ones taking me back to school and all the judging looks and beady eyes looking down on me. All the names people called me ring through my mind like jingle bells on Christmas.

I can't explain this feeling to anyone else because then they'll try to fix something unfixable. It's painful to watch them try to understand too. Although it may not be as bad as others have it, it still affects me in every way.

My escape, the only escape for me is music.

Music has saved my life over and over. I didn't get privileges to listen to music as often though back at my old house, my dad hates it. He likes silence. The one thing that slowly kills me. I used to hum to myself at night to soothe the fear that raced in my veins.

There was one other thing though. A boy. He didn't go to my school but we met and I had believed fate brought us together and that I would be with him forever. He was my savior, my knight in shining armor in the hell I was living back at my old town. His smile could erase all the bad thoughts in my mind. The way his hands felt on me when we spent the afternoons watching old movies in his living room. I never brought him to my house though, to him the less he knew what went on in there the better. I had these words burned into my mind over and over again by a monster that lived in my parents' room.

But all good things come to an end right? Our relationship had lasted 16 months, even if it felt like forever, it wasn't real. What started out good ended disastrously.

It was a sad gloomy day again. The skies ash and the sun hidden behind them like a scared shy little boy with a group of strangers. Personally I like gloomy days like this. As strange and sad as that sounds; I don't really like when the suns out and there aren't really any clouds out.

Tanner burned in my mind the whole night before. It was just the way he looked at me. He was trying to figure me out and it scared me. I was used to being invisible and all this attention from people exhausted me. Back at my old town people didn't really take well with "freaks." But if you weren't a freak, what were you?

Today I walked to school. I didn't feel like facing my mother and her longing looks towards the door. She wanted to get out. To leave me. But she couldn't, not without getting charged or hated. I know she doesn't want to do this over and over and over again but she hasn't got a choice. She's already in it, there's no getting out of it. That's the thing about her, she can't take charge. She's never taken charge for anything in her life; her parents were rich and did everything for her so trying to get out of this mess I call my life is foreign to her. Humans take hard to change too.

Anyway, the school was approximately 7 blocks from my house which means it takes about 15 minutes to walk. I know I could ride the bus but that also includes talking to someone. Lia wouldn't leave me alone about Tanner and I didn't feel like talking to or about him.

I see the movement of students entering the school and sigh. Here we go. Lia notices me from her car "Girl, you know you could've just called me up and asked for a ride" she said.