Protect Me *ON HOLD*

Demons

A/N:

I suck at updating :P but I'm trying

Song: Dreaming With Our Eyes Open by Witt Lowery

Bare with me: this chapter is kind of out there but contains some dark thoughts
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Logan

"Logan, wake up" a sharp high pitched voice said. My eyes slowly opened and they locked with angry icy ones "why" I said sitting up rubbing my eyes "I'm leaving for a week" the voice said again. I froze, I couldn't hold her back but being alone terrified me. It's a fear, being alone leads to bad things. "Uh-" I looked at her again pained "um-" I didn't know what to say. I need to let her get out, but I can't be alone "uh, when?" I choked out "tonight" my mother responded with a sigh. I nodded and flopped back on my bed, turning my back to her "have fun" I stared at the wall blankly, I felt numb. "Just be careful and try not to burn the house down" she said before I heard my door close.

It was Saturday morning, which meant I had no where to go and nothing to do. For almost 3 hours I stared at my white wall deep in thought.

I had no friends
No one liked me

'No one knows you' my conscious told me.

I shrugged it off and wiped away the tears. Who would want to be friends with a messed up, broken, unfixable, bipolar teenage girl. More tears came out as a sob escaped my body, I've only ever had 3 friends in my life, and they're all gone. I tried to even out my breathing but nothing was working, my self pity overtook my emotions and the demons came flying in eating it all up. Word after word flew across my mind; lonely, ugly, fat, friendless, slut, whore, fuck up.

I shook my head and shot up, my mom lied. She said she was going to leave tonight but she was already gone. She couldn't wait to get away from me, who would want to be near me anyway. My feet led me to the bathroom and to my cabinet. My hands found what I had been itching for, the blade. I held it up to my wrist as the demons swam in my thoughts throwing words at me, but just as I was about to slide the cool metal down my wrist I heard my phone blasting 'Car Radio' by Twenty One Pilots. I sniffed and slowly got up, who was calling me?

My hands reached for my phone and without looking I pressed answer

"Hello?"

"Hey Logan, are you busy right now" a deep voice filled my ears

"Uh" yes "no" I sniffed again

"Cool. Meet me at Grilly's in 10" he said and hung up.

I blinked and nodded slowly, I needed to look presentable in 10 minutes. I quickly grabbed an oversized sweater and leggings and changed into them, then brushed my teeth speedily. I ran cold water and held my finger under it, cooling it off. I ran my cold finger lightly under my puffy eyes trying to reduce the swelling. Why was I even going, why did I even agree. I sighed as anxiety struck me, what if this was a prank? I shook my head and ran down the stairs to my car and hopped in heading to the restaurant about 5 minutes from my house.

I parked and slowly got out of my car. I took deep breathes but nothing seemed to calm me down. I kept my head down as I walked towards the doors, 'breath' my mind screamed at me. I opened the door and  automatically sighed in content as the smell of food filled my nostrils.

"Hey Logan, over here!" Tanner yelled already sitting in a big booth. My eyes landed on him and the rest of the group sitting and joking around "Hey" I said as I sat next to Lia who happily scooted over for me. I smiled at them all and looked down at the table

Just relax Logan

I took a deep breath and looked up. Immediately my eyes locked with Tanners and I shuddered; He was analyzing me and it scared the hell out of me. I shot my eyes away from him and looked around the table trying to get into the conversation

"Dude you couldn't  get her even if you paid her a million dollars and you looked like David Beckham" Chase scoffed at Jason. My head tilted slightly as I tried to figure out who they were talking about, Jason's eyes looked behind Me. Lia and my eyes followed suit. My mouth formed and 'o' and my lips quirked up to a smirk.

"Dude I'm hotter then David Beckham" Jason said flipping his imaginary hair over his shoulder "aren't I Logan?" They both looked at me and I froze for a second, then recovered

"You have nothing compared to David Beckham honey" I responded teasingly. Jason's mouth dropped open "how dare you!? That wounds me" he grabbed his chest in fake hurt and make fake sobbing noises. I rolled my eyes just as the waitress came to our table.

"Hello, my name is Gretchen, I am your waitress this afternoon, can I get you guys started with drinks?" She produced a pen and paper from her apron, ready to take our orders.
I refrained from snorting at her name, pretty girl with an ugly name but I was stopped short as my mind reeled me back

"What kind of parent names a girl Logan" a snotty voice said from behind me. I shut my eyes tightly and turned around "did your parents hope for a boy and get a girl instead?" The teenage Satan spawn spat at me. I shook my head and looked down, don't listen to her.

A throat was cleared and I snapped out of my thoughts, everyone was staring at me and it hit me "oh, uh, I'll take a lemonade" I said and smiled at her. Gretchen nodded and walked away to get our drinks

"Jeez pumpkin, you spaced out for a while that time" Tanner said jokingly as a blush washed over my cheeks. "Sorry" I mumbled. They all continued with their conversations as my mind drifted again. Then a thought struck me.

Tanner saved me from cutting. He saved me from hours of mental pain and suffering. My eyes drifted to him as he joked around with his friends, as if he could feel my stare Tanner looked at me almost asking what I was thinking about. I cleared my throat "uh I gotta go to the bathroom" I stood up and bumped into the tray the waitress was holding. Cold drinks poured all over me and we both squealed in surprise. Everyone in the restaurant went silent and stared at the scene, I heard snickering and my cheeks inflamed.

My chest started to tighten and air was escaping my lungs by the second. I ran out of the restaurant and to the back ally and tried to breath. My chest felt as if knives were stabbing me repeatedly, and I couldn't get air into my lungs, my throat burned as I tried to fight the tears.

Weak

The word cut across my mind over and over. A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped back in fear and shock. "Logan it's just me" his voice rang in my ears. Strong arms wrapped around me and I was scooped up onto someone's lap "Listen to my voice, breath" I felt his chest rumbled every time he spoke "in" his chest expanded "out" then deflated "follow me" he repeated the action and I tried my best to match my breathing with his.

After about 5 minutes of me just following his breathing, I finally calmed down. It takes a moment for me to realize I'm pretty much on top of Tanner, he has me in his lap with his legs crossed under me and his arms are wrapped around me. Tanner seems to notice too because his cheeks tint pink and he awkwardly coughs "Uh thanks" I mumble embarrassed while getting off of him.

I'm so embarrassed, I hate having people watch me or console me when I'm having a panic attack. I felt so weak and fragile, something that one hates to feel. Tanner stands up and stretches, "The others are waiting for us" he reaches his hand down for me and I hesitate. "Uh-I don't know if I want to go back in there" I mumble out to him. Tanner sighs and picks me up and sets my on my feet "Come on pumpkin" he said dragging me to the front doors.