Trigger warning. Please don't read if you don't think you can handle it.
"I just miss her so much." you whine to your best friend who was in the middle of making tea for you both. "I know (Y/N), but there's nothing you can do until she comes back. When does the tour end again?" your best friend asks. "Still 7 months to go, I'm surely going to be dead before the end of those 7 months." you whine again. Your best friend sighs, taking out two dinner plates & serving up the quiche you'd made together. You both sit in silence & while your best friend scoffs down the meal like it's the last, you pick at yours & refuse to eat much. Once you're satisfied with the forkful of food you'd eaten, you head upstairs to your bedroom.
For a year or so you'd shared a house with your girlfriend Lyndsey, but she was away on tour with her band at the moment. After a whole lonely month of living on your own & barely coping without your life support -Lyndsey-, you'd asked your best friend to come & live with you until Lynn would be back. But lately things had started to go downhill. Your best friend was hardly around due to regular all day shifts at the café (he/she/they) worked at. The only time you ever got to see (him/her/them) was around 9 PM when (he/she/they) staggered in the front door, exhausted & close to passing out. You had no choice but to spend the days & nights on your own thinking about Lynn & wishing she had the time to at least call you.
Snapping yourself out of your depressed thoughts, you decide to pick up your black, Monster Energy sticker covered laptop & check your social media accounts. First, you check Twitter, seeing your girlfriends name & face everywhere cheers you up a little but you soon fall back into the black hole you were in only minutes ago. Sighing, you log out & sign into your Facebook account. Checking the 60+ notifications & 100+ messages, you start to feel frustrated. Not one of them was Lyndsey & it really hurt you knowing that you hadn't had any contact with her in over 6 months & probably wouldn't for another 7 months.
Life was starting to bore you & it was slowly pulling you down into a deep state if depression. The only thing keeping you from letting your demons take you away was the thought of Lynn, it really made your heart tear itself into two thinking about what it'd do to your beautiful girlfriend if she woke up one day & found out her girl had taken her life while she was away.
And again, your thoughts had consumed you. Shaking your head & pushing the thoughts away you log out of Facebook & instead log into your Tumblr account. The first thing that pops up is porn. Lesbian porn. "Every time," you think to yourself. "Why do so many good blogs post so much porn?" the usual routine plays out, your best friend knocks on your door & tells you that (he/she/they) are going to work, you say goodbye, curl up into a ball & watch your laptop screen, hoping that Lynn's name will finally pop up in your messages or come online on Skype.
30 minutes goes by but nothing, you cry, letting your thoughts get the best of you. Gently lifting yourself off of the bed you make your way into the small bathroom connected to your bedroom. The shiny metal razor blade you'd used just last night sits on the clean porcelain sink. You pick it up, running your fingers over the weird shapes cut into the middle of it. You make your way back to your bed, still crying & exhausting yourself even more. You sit on your bed, bringing your knees up to your chest & resting your head on them in a last attempt to stop yourself from self harming.
