Requested by MajesticalMackenzie
Could potentially be very triggering guise. Please don't read if you're triggered easily.
Four and a half years in a relationship with Lyndsey was enough to drive you insane. But you were still going strong, the relationship was good and you never kept secrets from each other. There was one exception though, something you'd never told a soul before, something Lyndsey was about to find out on her own.
"(Y/N), baby, what do you want me to do with all of these papers?" Lynn asks from across the room. "Um, just sort out the legal stuff and shove it in that box please." you tell her before walking out of the room. You'd been packing for hours and you needed a break.
You let yourself fall back onto the couch behind you and sigh in content when the weight leaves your feet. They throb and you whine at the feeling. You listen carefully for the ruffling of the paper from Lynn but you can't hear it. Instead it's replaced by soft sniffles. "Lynn?" you call but she doesn't answer you. Just as you're about to stand Lynn walks into the room you're in.
"(Y/N), what is this?" she asks, her voice is husky from crying and her cheeks shine with tears. Her eyes are rimmed red and she holds a white folded piece of paper with a large red area covering the corner of it between her fingers. You remember exactly what it is and panic rises up in your throat. "O-oh. Lynn I'm sorry," you apologize. "(Y/N), what is it?" Lyndsey's voice is a lot firmer now. "It's... Ah a... Suicide note." you answer hesitantly. "Why didn't you ever tell me you felt like that (Y/N)? I thought we weren't keeping secrets from each other." Lynn sobbed. Her voice sounded panicked but her words were slightly half hearted, as if she'd just given up. "Lynn I'm sorry," you cry. You watch as she walks towards you and throws the paper in your lap. "You've lost my trust (Y/N)," she mumbles, "I'm leaving."
"Please don't. Lynn!" you beg but its no use. She's out the door and in her car in seconds. You sit and cry, holding the note in your hand and wishing you'd never written it. The date you'd scribbled at the top was a month after you'd started dating Lynn. You couldn't bring yourself to read anything but that date at that moment. The blood stain on the left corner triggered a memory you'd promised yourself you'd forget.
"Fuck!" you scream at no one. The frustration, anger and the hurt turn into a ball of emotions and you don't know whether to cry or punch things. You cry for a minute but you stop, your attention turns to the two bottles of vodka on the table across the room instead.
In a matter of twenty minutes you've already managed to drink a half a bottle. You sit against the wall with the bottle in one hand and the note in the other. You look down at the note and your heart shatters again. You start reading it for the first time since writing it four years ago.
All I think about these days is what it would be like if I was dead. I don't think anybody would care. I mean, nobody cares about me now, why would they when I'm dead?
You screw your face up in an attempt to stop yourself from crying but it fails. You burst into tears and refuse to keep reading. Instead, you put the bottle to your lips again and drain another quarter. Your frustration starts to seep through again and you grab the note in a fist, screwing it up a little. You scream out, tearing the paper in half and crying. You shred it to pieces and look down at the less you've made. You laugh softly as the reality of what's happened hits you once again. The rest of the bottle glides down your throat with ease.
