Dear Ana,
You used to control me: control my life. For years I was under your spell, and it almost killed me.
You made me think I was fat, you made me think I was a useless piece of shit. Yet I worshipped you, and the scale. I followed your rules, and did everything you whispered into my ear. I remember the things you said. I remember your rules. Every single one of them forever burned into my mind.
But I am getting better, and even though I still hear you whispering in my ear, telling me how fat I am. I eat. Even though i still count the calories automatically, and calculate what I need to do to burn it off. I don't. I simply eat the torturous calories and try not to let your poisonous whisper influence me and my health.
I have recently taken away all of my notebooks filled with your diets and with my weight loss progress. I used those like some use bibles. I feel so lost without them, but I know it's for the best.
Ana, I know you're here. I know you will fight for control over me for a long time. But I am determined to keep you at bay. You do not rule my life anymore. I rule it.
YOU ARE READING
The life of a cazy
RandomSome writings that are kind of personal to me. I will be writing flash fiction pieces, letters, and confessions about some hurtful things I think and feel on a daily basis.
