The life of a cazy

You said.

  You said you would be there for me. That I was like your daughter. You said you cared for me. That you wanted to help me. I see now that you thought what you were saying was truth, when it wasn't.

You  will be there for me on my good days, but not the days when I don't know how to keep moving on, or when my flashbacks get too bad. You tell me that I am being ridiculous. You're not there for me when I need you most.

You were like a mother to me. I opened myself up to you. Let you see the dark side of me I was scared to show anybody else. I begged you to help me. I can't help myself. You were my only hope. You told me I was not your daughter, that I need to leave, or get major help. You said that I wasn't your responsibility.  I'm sorry, I didn't realize that in order to feel your love I needed to feel perfectly fine and smile. I thought you understood. I thought you could help me get there.

You said you cared for me. This I know was, is, and always will be true. I know you care for me. Just as I care for you. Hopefully if I ever find the help I need, we can look back on these days as just a horrible memory. Hopefully you and I will become good friends again. I'm sorry I messed that up with my problems.

You said you wanted to help me. This is also true. I know you wanted to help me, but you got scared. You didn't know what to do. In truth, i didn't either. My brain is a scary place sometimes, and sometimes I can't control what it does. I don't know how to fix it. That's why I went to you. I hoped that you knew how, but you didn't. I'm sorry I put that pressure on you. 

I'm gone now. You cast me away until I'm better. Ready to accept me back into your life when I am normal, and my past is in the past. I wish you could have let me stay in your heart. I really needed a friend like you to stand by my side while I crawled my way out of the dark. But you're only human, and humans aren't as strong as we'd like to think... I forgive you for casting me off, but I will never forgive myself for putting you in that position.

I have learned my lesson. Suffer in silence. That way you get to keep your friends.