Sirocco (A Lesbian Story)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I had always thought of myself asexual because I never felt any strong sense of desire at a physical or emotional level unlike most of my friends. I was the weird person among my group for while they all were in a relationship or pursuing their crushes, I never had any of those.

If I was involved in a relationship, it was purely platonic or aromantic. It was somehow peculiar for me not to be attracted to anyone. I could not, however, discount the fact that I admired a few beautiful faces but only in a way someone would to an amazing piece of art. I did not even feel this sense of emptiness nor yearning for someone to fill in the romantic drought within me as what other single people I knew felt.

I was apathetic; I was asexual.. But that was before my hormones decide to take over; lighting up the dark corners of my heart; making me feel the first pull of desire which was shockingly triggered by my best friend, Catherine.

I was disconcerted by what I felt for Catherine - even gravely scandalized by it considering that I had always considered her my sister. It would have been fine if she was someone else for my feelings for her made me feel supremely disgusted with myself. It felt sinful, even incestuous.

I thought deeply about it; tried to discern both my sexuality and feelings for Catherine; tried to weigh it and measure its depth for me to analyze everything because it was ironically sensational considering I found it vague.

I was in the midst of profound reflection about my feelings for my best friend when I met George. She was like a strong wind who came into my life without any caution, penetrating through my defenses and ultimately hastened my self-discovery, leading me to a glaring conclusion about myself.

I knew now that what I felt for Catherine was nothing but a shallow attraction. I was nothing but a human, equipped with humanly faculties such as being attracted to someone else - it would have been very abnormal if I did not. Maybe my attraction to my best friend spouted from the fact that we had been inseparable since we had known each other. She had always been a great a friend of mine and; I felt very relieved that the stirring of desire that she ignited within me was not that strong for if it was, then it would not be easily displaced. Or was it just how I wanted to think of it so as to quell my guilt for fantasizing about my best friend?

And, yeah, I was gay. I could not say I was bisexual because I never felt anything towards the opposite sex, and falling for someone in the same sex was still foreign to me. I did not feel any sense of revulsion; if there was any self-loathing that came with it, then it was my unbidden feelings for my best friend. My discovery about myself was somewhat similar to my feelings to George - it was sudden but very strong like an unexpected jolt of thunder. It was like a strong shock of electricity, coursing to my body but I like it.

At least, accepting my sexuality was not that hard. I guess it would not be hard to break the news to my parents, they were the most understanding people in the world. My father's sister was a lesbian - I guess I should tell my father and ask for his advice when he would call me. Maybe, I should go tell my mother; she'd probably call me this weekend to ask me about how I was faring as of lately. I could talk to her.

As for George. .

It was just a few hours since I met her but she consumed my mind. I could not stop myself but think about her, and every time I think about her, my heat beat so fast. The pounding within was so strong. It make me felt breathless but the feeling was exhilarating.

She was like a stunning and captivating faerie that I thought that only existed in fictions. I was completely enchanted by her, deeply caught by her magical spell.