Waking in the morning is the toughest part. Some days are easy, some are tough and there are the ones when its painfully hard to force the reality upon the unwilling mind. The bitter flashback of memory you have to force upon the head, over and over, to remind that 'nothing is like the way it used to be'. Maybe, that is the reason they say never to spend time on bed after waking up. Sometimes, I wake in middle of night trying hard to remember where I am; wardrobe in front of the bed, table by the window, door on right. They say I should do something to keep myself busy. I don't know why nothing interests me anymore. Its been a while since I have felt like doing anything like once I used to, like the times when we met first. His red fast car! there was nothing like it. That was the evening we went for a ride. Speeding it real fast like we could leave everything behind, the light of the city expanding till the horizon and I felt like I belonged and I felt like I could be anyone, be someone's someone. I felt like I could love myself, I felt like knowing about the twinkling stars shimmering in the dusky sky. They say time will heal, but time is something I lack.
Thinking little bits of everything, she crosses the street to the restaurant. Dressed in a blue coat, she has learnt to hide the pain under the sleeves and fake it til she makes it. She enters from the front door, sneaking to the kitchen to clock her time.
"jenn.. Jennifer" says the fat lady with round glasses.
The lady follows her to the kitchen where Jennifer is putting her apron on.
"Jennifer" she says.
"I have been waiting for you for fifteen minutes." she starts reciting the same dialogue over again "The restaurant opens at eleven, you don't want your manager to take orders from the customers"
" I am sorry misses Clifford"
"I was.."
"there are always excuses Jennifer there is always something that will happen. Take control. You cant blame traffic or the alarm clock or the water in your shower. If u want to do something u will do it. If u don't want there will always be something that will stop you. A person who smiles in adversity....."
The voice of missus Clifford dissolves in the haze inside Jennifer's head. She waits for the fat lady to finish.
"Jennifer! Are you even listening to me?"
"I am missus Clifford"
"No, you are not, you are lost. you must.."
"Customer. I guess we have to talk later. Go take the order."
'Nothing is more relieving than an incident that makes u escape the conversation you have been trying too hard to escape. Maybe we don't like confrontation a lot. If it was so, then why I had been so obsessed with confrontations. Why had I gone so far to make him confront, that only drew him far and far away.'
She walks to the table for taking the order. A smile and greetings and they will never see the storm inside. Sometimes this world appears so crazy.
