I'm Tired

chap 2

2017

One day... it was my fifth grade. My parents got divorced.

One day... it was my sixth grade. My grandfather died.

One day... it was the summer after sixth grade. I moved in with my dad. Into a new town.

One day... Actually many days. I met people that would change my life.

I met someone I could call a sister, Jasmine. I met someone I could call my best friend, Corra. I met someone who would hurt my heart, Clide. I met someones who would insult me.

My new sister and best friend make me fucking the happiest I've ever been.

But then Clide comes along and I'm blinded by the fact that he actually likes me like that. All he wants to do is get in my pants. But I didn't see that. Finally he cheated on me, then broke up with me. Before I knew he cheated on me.

Jasmine and Corra tried to cheer me up. They make me laugh and smile, but only for a while.

Then a little while later, these little things become apparent. Some kids calling me a slut and whore.

I'm a virgin still.

These boys don't know what they're talking about. But their words cut sharper then any knife I've wanted to attack my wrist with.

Because for a while I've had issues going on at home. My "family" fights. We don't communicate all that well. Insults are thrown, laid down by my father and step-mother.

This is the place that I willingly joined, to get away from bullies.

And all I wanted to do, is get the pain out of me. But I look around and see the faces of my sister and best friend staring at me. Disappointed looks, are all I see in my mind.

So I don't. I keep my skin untouched and I hold in this pain for I really long time.

Its March by now. You remember the girl I said was my only friend back in the other town? Yeah, I'm still friends with her. Her dad has died. And we'd been in fights but I was there for her while he past. Unlike how she wasn't there for me when my grandfather was gone.

Anyway I was chilling with some friends. Corra was there with. And the old friend starts talking with me online. She had to ask me a question. Why does everybody hate me?

That was her stupid question. So I answer. I took time and thought it through why anyone wouldn't like her. Corra has met O.F. (old friend) and while she hadn't said to me, I knew Corra didn't really like her.

That started a fight. Big deal. We said some terrible things to each other. I mentioned something about her dad, if he was there, he'd tell her to stop playing the poor me game. Yeah, I was cruel. But really I was sick of being her friend. She had used me while we we're younger and I was tired of it all.

Tired of everything that was happening.

She said that every thing people have ever said about me was true. I played it off, "yeah I am a bitch. All I'll just hang with my bitch ass  friends."

But it hurt because, I know what they said about me. What the looks, glares, whispers, and avoidance all ment.

She then called a slut. Said what I wore is inappropriate. Said the reason why Clide broke it off with me was because I was a slut and bitch.

Yeah, that one stung. A lot. But somehow I managed. I told my mom, she told grandma. And then we were clothes shopping and guess what?! My grandma said that if that's how you dress you cant be offended if someone calls you that.

I didn't even fucking dress revealing.

Lets just say I got extremely up set with that.