I'm Tired

chap 3

2017

So now I'm sitting here depressed for unknown reasons. And I hate my life.

I'm tired of everything. Of life. Of being me.

And then we moved again. To another new town.

I tried to push everyone away. Because if I'm not close to someone, then what does their thoughts matter?

It didn't work.

I still care about people say about me. And I've given up on pushing people away. That's how I have some more friends.

My amount of friends in this school is less then ten.... depending on how you think. I can count the amount on one hand.

My relationship with Jasmine has worsen considerably. We've been at each others throats lately. We've tried to fix what's happened, but it's not as good as it used to be.

The "family" hasnt been doing well either. Me and Jasmine are always being insulted. We barely talk with my dad and step mom. All we do is sit in our room and stay away. They call this hiding.

They say we're hiding from them. Maybe Jasmine is, but I could understand that.

I'm hiding. Not from them, but I'm hiding. Hiding from the world. See, I created this fake person. I pull her out when I'm at school, in public. I use her to make people believe that my life is okay. Just from appearance.

I think I should name her. Luna. From Harry Potter. Because fake me doesn't care what people think. She's smart and brave. She stands up to whatever she needs to. Just like Luna.

So I pull Luna out and use her. But somewhere deep inside is Kala. Me. I hear it all, what's said to Luna and inside I cries a lot. Luna doesn't. She takes these insults and flips them on the person's head. Like if they called her crazy, she'd be like: yeah I am. And grin at them.

I use Luna a lot. I use her too much. But you might think that if I "use" her all the time, that just means I am like that. Maybe.

But then why, the minute I get home and into my room, I'll be tired? Emotionally, mentally, almost physically tired. Because that's when I put Luna away. And that's when sometimes I want to die...

And my parents won't understand that I use a fake me, to hide from the fake people at school. The people that still insult me. Say I have herpes or something. They wouldn't get that how I use Luna makes me tired.