Monday morning started out ok, but that didn't last too long. Nate let me lean on him since I was so tired, but he didn't put us arm around me like I longed for him to. The others got to school later, including Megan, and they were being loud and ignoring me. I stayed quiet and no one noticed. Maybe it's irrational to be so upset about my friends ignoring me. The only people in that group I liked enough to talk to outside of school were Kyle and Nate. They were my best friends.
Throughout the breakup, Kyle had been more supportive, which hurt because I wanted Nate's love and support. Kyle was just a friend, and I didn't want him to be anything more.
Megan kept putting her hands in my face and scooting near me since I was leaning on Nate. She was yelling and acting like I wasn't there. Kyle told her off again on Monday, telling her no one likes her and she's a whore. Kyle and I kept making eye contact. He was the only one really caring.
I stood up silently when it was time for first, and Nate followed. Everyone dispersed and Nate and I walked towards the English hallway.
We were silent, and when it came time for our paths to split, I hugged him tightly and started silently crying. He didn't hug back and I refused to look at his face before walking away. I pulled my hat that looked like a bear down I'm an attempt to hide my face.
I was so upset.
***
In first block, my friend Liz stole my phone and found Nate's kik. She messaged him and went on a rant. I was so anxious and upset and scared of what Nate would say. Liz told him to just date me already.
He said he'd tell me what his thoughts were in enrichment, which was two hours away.
The anxiety brought tears close to falling again, and I felt light headed and like I would throw up.
All I want is to be happy...
***
Before enrichment, Nate hugged me from behind. It was warm and tight and happy. Safe. He pulled away far too soon and I was cold again.
***
Enrichment brought bad news. Nate said he wouldn't date me. The grim reality sunk into me like a needle to give the death sentence. A million things went through my head, but the idea of death lingered.
Why me?
I met Nate before third and hugged him and cried. I was cold. He didn't hug back.
***
Third period brought more bad news. I had to eat 4th lunch, the same as Nate. I dreaded it, knowing I'd be ignored.
I saw Liz in the hallway on the way to lunch, and she hugged me. I almost cried into her hair.
At lunch I didn't eat. Hadn't for 2 days, the hunger was awful. But I refused food. There's no reason to eat when you have no will to keep going.
