Strange Thoughts

The Light Behind Your Eyes (My Chemical Romance)

This is a story sort of based on the song The Light Behind Your Eyes. Now, it's not the exact meaning of it but this is what came to me after being inspired by the song. The character's name is Nathan and it's in his point of view. The song is not mine in any way but the short story here is 100% my work. It's not edited well so excuse any errors. Enjoy :-)

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The images flashed through my mind. A young woman around the age 23 has just been found washed ashore of the Hudson River... But I don't want to believe it. ...She has now been identified as college student Amberly Josson... It couldn't be.  She's too young. She only moved. That's all. Nothing else. ...Police on the scene have discovered a note taped to the wall of the bridge... No. ...It is believed to be a suicide attempt... That's not possible. ...Oddly, no family or friends showed up at the scene... Stop it! She is alive! I-I've been sending her letters! She's gotten my letters; I know it. She's had to have at least gotten one. I know it, I tell you! I know it! ...Police tried contacting family but could only reach one man who claimed to her her lover... You're lying! I was never called by the- The man was identified as Nathan Prox, a jeweler from New Jersey.. You need to stop! ...He confirmed her identity and handwriting on the note... SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! ...The man broke down and was forcefully admitted into a hospital after attempting to jump off the bridge later that night... NO. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. ...The reason for Josson's suicide is still unknown... NO. ...suicide... STOP ...Josson's suicide... PLEASE ...unknown... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. IT'S NOT TRUE.

Stop. Stop! I can't take it! No more! Please. My heart is heavy and I can't breath. My heart isn't beating. Is it? What's that pounding? I can't hear anything else. I can't breath. I can't breath. Where am I? Why is it so cold all of the sudden? I'm outside. My feet are bare and rushing me down the street. I can't breath. Has my heart stopped? I can't tell. I don't think so. But I'm not sure. I can't hear the pounding as much. My ears are ringing. But it's cold. It's so cold. I can't see. I can't see! What's happened to my eyes?! I can't see! Am I blind? No. It's just blurry. Very blurry. My eyes sting. My nose won't stop running. I guess I'm crying but I can't be sure. My feet. They won't stop running. Why did you do this? This is why we were hospitalized. Stupid brain. Leave me alone! I don't want to think this! This isn't true. I can't be! I can't be! ...Amberly Josson's suicide... Please, I'm begging you! ...unknown... No! Don't bring me there! I-I don't want to go! ...suicide... Not the bridge! I don't want this! Stop it! Stop crying! Be a man! ...Amberly's suicide... My hands won't stop shaking. You're making them shake. You are making them shake! Stop it now! I don't like this! I don't want to remember! I don't!...unknown... My heart is racing faster than my mind but my body can't keep up!

Bum... ... ...badum... ... ... bum... ... badum... ... bum... badum... bum badum bum badum BUM BADUM BUM BADUM BUM BADUM BUM BADUM... ... ... ... ... ... bum... ... ... ... ... badum... ... ... ... ... ... ... bum... ... ... ... ... ... ... badum... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I can't breath. My hands won't stop shaking. But I need to keep going. I see her! I knew she wasn't dead! I knew it! Now I'm running. Cars are screeching to halts and honking at me but I can't hear them. I need to see her. It's really her! But as I make it across the street to her, I see her face. She's crying. Her eyes are puffy and she's sniffling. "Amberly?" I ask in disbelief. Nothing. She's writing something. "I don't understand. Amberly, are you okay? What's wrong?" I speak up, rushing my words. She doesn't look up. "Tell me what's-" I cut myself off when she tapes a not to the wall of the bridge. She looks out at the water again, the black sky contrasting with the golden moonlight that shines on her tan profile. She's still so beautiful. Even more so than I remember. I reach out for her hand, relaxing in her presence. But it's short lived. My hand goes straight through hers and I tense up. "W-what?" my hand shoots back, shocked "What's going on?" Still no answer. My heart drops to my feet at this sudden realization. She's not here. This is all you! I knew it! I knew it was too good to be true! You ruthless organ! Why do you torture me!? She's jumping. I don't want to remember this. I can't handle it! Please stop this madness! This insanity! "Stop it!" I scream as she lifts her leg over the edge and stands on the wall. She cries out.

"I'm sorry, Nathan! I'm so so sorry." her sobs come out as struggles and she gasps for air and holds tightly to the pole nest to her. "Oh, god, why?" she cries and cries and I just watch. My feet are glued to the ground. "I'm sorry!" She screams. Her tiny hands rake through her sweaty and matted hair. I want to hug her. I want to wrap my arms around her and carry her home and tell her it's going to be okay. But I can't. She's dead. She's gone. She's never coming back. And this is my punishment for not saving her; for being too late. Amberly finally lets go of the pole and turns around. The lights of the moving cars glisten against her teary eyes. And finally, she holds her arms out on either side and closes her pained eyes.

"No!" I shriek and jump up next to her. I'm surprised when I don't go through her. So I pull her into a hug. I hold her so tight I'm sure she can't breath. "Please don't leave without me! I-I-I need you! Please." I sobbed into her hair. She was tinier than I remember. She only made it up to my chest. I'm not losing her again. I've spent hundreds of sleepless nights mourning her absence. I need her in my life or in my death. I don't care anymore. I love this woman and I will not let her go. I will not let her fade away again. She's too bright and rare to die! This will not proceed. I won't let it. I won't lose my soul mate for a second time. I'm going with her. Even if she is just a figment of my imagination. This is as close as I'll ever get to her again. I'm not willing to except I wasn't there in her darkest moment. I'm here now. She's here.

A thought comes to my mind as she sobs into my chest. No one believed me. No one thought this girl was real. But here she is. The girl I've told them all about that they dismissed is right here. The "waste of time" is in my arms. I proved them all wrong. She's real. At least, she was. But none of that matters anymore. It's just Amberly and me on the railing of a random bridge. No one else but the unknowing cars that pass. This moment, this long awaited moment, will last for the rest of my life. What's left of my life will be spent with the only one who matters. "I've missed you so much." I shout over the traffic. "All the nights I spent writing to you were worth it. Even if you never got them I realized how much you mean to me. And I don't care if you're dead you haven't changed at all. You haven't lost the light behind your eyes!" I cry out. My voice cracks and hardly sound like me at all. It sounds like the shriek of a broken man.

But gravity is coming and I can feel myself leaning over. I don't care. I don't care anymore. If I'm going to die, fine. I don't care! I deserve to die. I don't deserve to live. I just want to hold her one last time. My sweet, sweet Amberly is in my grasp as we fall. The wind is strong against us as we fall and I can feel her grip tightening. I hold her closer and let her bury her face in my chest. My heart races as we come closer to the river below. This is it. This is the last moment of my life. "I love you, Amberly. I love you so damn much." I shout over the wind. My calloused hands stroke her soft, knotted hair. I can feel the sweat engulfing my body but I don't care. I have the love of my life in my arms. We'll be together forever now. My stomach twists so tight I'm afraid it'll bleed, yet, just as my heartbeat fills my ears, I hear her soft voice.

"I love you too, Nathan." Those five words ring in my ears. I love you too, Nathan. That sets it. I'm ready. I'm ready to die. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to see the heavens. This is it. I pull Amberly as close as I possibly can and kiss this top of her head. Finally, we make contact with the water. Everything goes black as I am finally devoured by her presence that has haunted me for 15 years. Death. Sweet, dark, and bitter death.  

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Hia! I hope you liked it. This isn't the exact story of the song but this was inspired from it. Well yeah...

I'll try to update every few weeks. I have school and such. Bye :D

~Mystery :-)