Stories of a Young Lesbian

Chapter 1: The Day I Knew

Wouldn't it be amazing to know your exact sexual preference the moment you exited the womb? One does not simply know they are a lesbian the moment they get handed to the nurse, crying and screaming, forming their first "girl-crush". For me, it took a little bit longer than that. It took just about until I entered the 4th grade to really understand what was going on just behind my tiny little blue eyes; and right between my little eight-year-old ears.

I take myself as one of the lucky ones, one of the lucky few who seem so sure about who they are from a very young age. There are men and women who start figuring things out, once they have left High School, College; who have even had children. For me, I just knew. I always knew.

There were a few events that took place leading up to the big reveal. You know, the big curtain that pulls back and tells you "You are ___".

Just kidding, but I digress.

These events include the very misfortune breaking of a few hearts I had to do; very rough times for a 2nd and 4th grader. One taking place before the initial curtain reveal, and one taking place after all of the puzzle pieces clicked together. We will go chronologically.

To keep names a secret, we will refer to the first boyfriend as Sully. Sully was a rather short and stubby boy. He liked to wear bright colored, floral, Hawaiian shirts to class at least three days out of every week and enjoyed referring to things as "Cool!" and "Awesome!". Anyways, I do not remember even agreeing to this 2nd grade relationship, but me and Sully had dated, for what seemed like years, but had only been a few months.

He decided that one day it would be the most amazing idea to propose to me, with a ring that consisted of a dark blue plastic band and a grape and cherry flavored swirl diamond. It was a Ring-Pop. Of coarse, being the naive little straighy that I was, I said yes; and that relationship lasted for about two more weeks before I shut Sully down via a passed note in the middle of reading time.

The song boy that I had dated went a little bit differently. We were not only together for a few months, but our little spell lasted for about two years. From right after I had broken up with Sully, to right at the beginning of 4th grade. We will call this second boy Ryan.

Ryan had asked me out via waiting in line during PE to have our turn at kicking the kick ball. Very romantic and classy at the time. I do admit that he was a rather sweet boy, and more mature than the average 2nd grader at the time. Our relationship had gone on strong for about two years, of which not a single date was went on, and the one time that e had tried to kiss me I pulled away and I would punch him if he tried to hold my hand. Ah, those were the days.

Sad for poor Ryan was that the curtain of my sexual fate was rapidly approaching out of the back of my mind. It was the first day of 4th grade. Like any other day. I was still branded "Ryans Girlfriend" and we were the couple that no one would even think to break up. I mean, we got married that summer behind a tree and the ring was made out of actual stone. You cant get any higher quality than that from the dollar store.

Anyways, I walked into my classroom on that first day of 4th grade, happy and ready for the exciting year I had a head of me. Until I glanced up, and it was like a wreaking ball came flying right out of thin air and hit my little eight year old self in the heart, lungs, brain, and everywhere you could possibly have thought or feelings. I would later learn that this was the beginning of the biggest crush I had ever had at the time, and this crush was on my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Harris.

It was at that moment that lead to me deciding, a week later, that I had to end it with Ryan. Telling him on the bench of the play ground that "Things just aren't working out, and that we are through." He left in tears. Everything was okay, because Ryan turned out to be a Trans woman in these last couple of years. I was basically a Lesbian from 2nd grade and didn't know it.

That woman, my 4th grade teacher, was the person to every make me even question my sexuality. She is the reason that I found out who I was at that age. It would be crazy if she read this one day. I did not change her name, I doubt that she would find any embarrassment from this, she would probably be grateful, considering that looking back, she was getting a little old.